Saturday, 12 December 2009

Suicide bomber disappointed when he discovers all 72 virgins are lesbian

 A former suicide bomber [the late] Abdul-Aziz al-Mukhairi was disappointed approximately 0213hrs Friday morning on reaching Hades when he was presented with his 'gift' of 72 virgins only to discover later on that they were all lesbians.

" what kind of joke is this" retorted an angry Mukhairi. "the amir's[General] instructions were clear; seven-two pure, untouched virgins. Am as screwed as hell" he added.

Officials at Hades could not immediately establish the cause of the terrible mix-up and when Mukhairi insisted on talking to their supervisor they directed him to an underground dungeon.

Beelzebub, the chief Lieutenant of Lucifer was helpful and considering the 'graveness of the matter' as he put it promised to get him in touch with his boss as soon as he was done roaming the earth for the day.

Meanwhile, as Mukhairi pondered his next move, he struck rapport with with a one Ata, a [former] kamikaze who got wind of his situation. " news travels fast around here and i couldn't help but sympahise with your case" said Ata. " but i have to admit i envy you. Immediately i crashed that plane i was teleported  down here." he said.

"I got my virgins alright but they were all male" he added.

Following lengthy inquiries not to mention  Hades fight to save face Ata was served with a written notice from the Department of  Iniquity  which read in part:

" Dear Shk. Ata,  apologies for the gross injustices and emotional pain brought upon you as a result our Delivery department failure for delivering you the right prize in the wrong package as a result of your valour and martydom. we have however been advised by our legal department not to accept liability as the clause was clear- 72 virgins PERIOD. Never specified male, female or anything in between. For any further clarification or inquiries please...."

"and they told me goods once delivered, not returnable. Am telling you my friend we can't trust Satan anymore" he concluded.

But according to our Hellish sources, we discovered the main culprit for the mix-up was a typing error which described  [now deceased] mister Ata as a female suicide bomber, a one Darine Abu Aisha.

On sensing there was no chance of him ever getting his 'promise' of  72 straight virgins  Mukhairi grew desperate and asked if, maybe,at least... one virgin could be arranged for.

Lucifer replied "no can do" but apologised for the distress caused and promised him it won't  happen again.

Al-Mukhairi's desperation  was quickly replaced by anger. Wagging his finger in defiance while muttering something like "may you burn in fire and brimstone", he left the roon banging the huge wrought iron door behind him.

Asked by  reporters what his next move will be al-Mukhairi said he will be suing The Emperor of Hell and his fallen host  for false advertising.

 ©2009 newsync

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1 comment:

  1. 72 virgins were promised, the gender of the virgins wasn't said. I hope the terrorists get 72 virgins that are all guys! 72 gay men too!