Al-Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Texas IRS Plane Crash

AUSTIN, Texas- A Spokesman for the international terror Organisation al-Qaeda has moved swiftly to claim responsibility for the Texas Kamikaze bombing.

The Californian born Adan Gadahn acknowledged the relatively successful Cessna flight bomber with as much zest and gusto as he denied his Organisation's involvement with the failed Syringe bomber just over a few months ago.

“Our Organisation is an Organisation of winners and go getters. Our Jihadists do not blow hot air and pour plastic blood about big government on the streets but are ready to stand up against it and whenever the opportunity arises- bomb it!!” said Adan.

Critics argued the terror network chiefs were in a gold rush to earn cheap propaganda mileage probably to counter the blow following the recent arrest of their own in Pakistan but another spokesman Kadir Kalintan who spoke on behalf of the first spokesman Adan, clarified the number 2 was a Taliban commander, a member of a coalition partner.

“Critics should first get their facts right. Al-Qaeda is a stand alone Organisation not an Umbrella Organisation” he added. Though on retrospection, Kadir admitted maybe they should have let their partners the Pakistani Taliban lay claim to this one for “the credibility score”.

Experts did not rule out al-Qaedas involvement entirely. In fact most were convinced there was a darn good chance it had a hand at some stage in the operation no matter how partial or low key since the charred facade of the building which housed the targeted IRS employees bore all the hallmarks of a similar event in recent history.

“ This thing sure has Qaeda fingerprints all over ” said Dr. George Philquist a DHS[Department of Homeland Security] forensic expert at the site. “The perpetrator knew how to fly a plane low, was well educated and very very angry at some American institution. But still i have my doubts. The damage was extensive but with only two people confirmed dead, plus the bomber, the casualties simply do not match up” he added.

Adan explained that might have been as a result of a minor timing error. “ A few minutes delay at the dry cleaners after lunch might mean the difference between lives lost or lives not lost-yet” he said.

“ But hey, this is just breaking news. We still don't know what lies beneath the debris” he concluded.

  ©2010 newsync





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...Bin Laden Spotted In City

   
Osama bin laden may be hiding in city
DN, Oct. 26th 2007
 

OSAMA BIN LADEN MAY BE HIDING IN CITY

 
“Osama bin Laden   could be hiding  in a city instead of a cave in the Afghan highlands,”

said Lieutenant- General  Asad al- Musad, a former head of the powerful Pakistan Inter-Services Intelligence Agency (ISI).
 
According to Lieutenant-General  al-Musad, it is believed  the terror boss is comfortably  tucked away in some (undisclosed) urban area  enjoying the trappings of his newly found amenities which include a very  big  bubbling Jacuzzi, sauna, indoor gym and  a custom  fitted Sony™  home theatre system complete with an HDTV ready 64” TFT-LCD Sony  Bravia™ flat  panel with a 5.1 channel  Bose™ surround thrown in,  in good measure, among others.
 
“Things haven’t looked this  up for ‘the boss’’ also fondly referred to as “Mustapha”- meaning the chosen one, by his  close aides and business  associates, among  other flattering titles.
 
“This is a far cry from the dusty, pathetic, congested, claustrophobic
conditions  of the Tora Bora caves in northern Afghanistan” said Ali al-Akram, a Pakistani goat seller.
“Long live defender of the weak, scourge of the west” he added.
 
Indeed this is a far cry from the days when Osama had to crawl from one   cave system to another, on his bare belly, like a snake, for 45 minutes, just to decoy the reconnaissance planes.
 
And when   the tanker bursting ‘birds of prey’   came in, he had to crawl even faster.
“Those were the tough times”   Osama acknowledged in an off the camera remark.
 
“It was hotter than   Jahanam   down there am telling you. What was I supposed to do?” said   Osama fending off criticism from a section of Taliban religious leaders who   insisted it was not only indecent but most important unreligious for anyone, more so a ‘ great leader’  like him to crawl with only his underpants on, unless one was taking a shower or a swim in an Oasis or the  river Tigris-upon-Euphrates.
 
Osama later wrote a formal apology.
 
Many were the times he had to disguise himself as a fakir (beggar) in order   to pass the Pakistani border checks undetected, just to get a puff of opium. “The swine eating infidels razed down our poppy fields” he would grumble.
“I, Osama bin Laden, king of the damned, who strikes fear  in any westerner’s  soul- a beggar! It just doesn’t add up,” he would add.
 
Those days are long gone now and with every dawn, a new day full of hope and camaraderie beckons.
“The boss smiles a lot nowadays and even gets to see his  wife and kids ( in person, not grainy videos)  once or twice in a blue moon,” said  Abufeisal bin  Mikdad, al Qaeda’s Minister for Family Reunions and Outdoor Activities whose  main job is to  make sure  organization members meet their kin at least once in a lifetime, and where possible arrange picnics and get together' s.
 
“As for ‘the boss’ I must admit am a bit jealous. In his (undisclosed) location, he gets to live a near normal lifestyle, just like everybody else before 9/11” said bin Mikdad.
According to our sources, Osama has been spotted once (ok, maybe a person who looks like him), leaving a nearby Walmart  store  with several  cans of jell-o and what appeared to be a dozen 700ml bottles of   tomato ketchup. Curious onlookers suspected  a terror attack was imminent but when he pulled by the local snack bar, for 50lbs  of  “Happy  Meals” the rubberneck-ers fears were laid to rest, if at least temporarily.
 
Sources close to him revealed the terror boss suffered from a severe strain of bulimia. After many years in caves, with barely enough to eat, you can’t blame the man.

Copyright© 2007 newsync