tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85272252498977159302024-03-13T09:47:48.927-07:00newsynclipsynching the newsEllys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-24892140396228207222013-12-12T01:33:00.000-08:002013-12-12T01:33:53.626-08:00MAN SACKED FOR WEARING ARSENAL JERSEY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">NAIROBI, Kenya<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">An employee of Kenya Airways, Kenya’s national airline was
apparently sacked for wearing an Arsenal FC (football club) tee shirt to a
Kenya Airways sponsored event at the
Masai Mara.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Cuee_kWKYEE/UqmChdkIz0I/AAAAAAAAAZ8/62V6V3IUghU/s1600/fly+emirates.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Cuee_kWKYEE/UqmChdkIz0I/AAAAAAAAAZ8/62V6V3IUghU/s1600/fly+emirates.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">replica of a career threatening shirt</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Eyewitnesses say a Mr. Bosire, (former) corporate communications
manager at the airline was assaulted by the Managing Director who shouted
something at him before first pulling off his blazer then making away with the
jinxed tee at a two in the morning after party before being fired the following
morning and handed his shirt by HR, in a nice way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Reliable sources believe the MD, Mr. Titus Naikuni was drunk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Meanwhile, Arsenal FC (fan club) Kenya chapter released an
official statement on their face book page condemning the act as yet another
attempt to silence them while trampling their God given right to freedom of worship and expression.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So far, no official statement from Kenya Airways or Naikuni has
been made but sources close to both sides dispute “Arsenal” had anything to do
with it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">“This is another classic reason why we lobbied hard for the Media
Bill as a Corporate” said Klein (not his real name), some damage control guy, explaining
their support of a recently passed media gagging bill.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">“How do you wear our bitter rivals, “Fly Emirates” tee shirt to a
Kenya Airways sponsored event? The key word here is sponsored. It seems Mr.
Bosire here forgot who butters his bread and for a corporate communications
manager he should have known better. Manchester United, Pepsi, CocaCola,
Sydney--ring a bell? Oh! My bad, I forgot. He’s an Arsenal fan” added Klein (not
his real name).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Lawyers representing Mr. Bosire have already pressed charges
including but not limited to sexual assault leading to public humiliation and
sources close to Mr. Naikuni’s counsel have put up a strong defense to prove the KQ
MD is a gentle person who wouldn’t hurt a fly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Following these unfolding events, the Kenya National Association
of Professional Counsellors and KEPSA(Kenya Private Sector Alliance) have
jointly warned the public against blind following of EPL teams which are deemed
a threat to career development, cause grievous bodily harm or even
death by hanging or falling from a storey building.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">No names were given for
legal reasons but Blackburn Rovers topped the list of much safer even therapeutic
bet because of their blue and white
split jersey which experts said was sort of yin-yang-ish. Aston Villa came
second because it sounds like a Hacienda or Manor, a major catalyst for
positive thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">As both parties prepared for their day in court, they jointly
applied for a trial Judge who doesn’t
watch football.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php" name="fb_share" type="button_count">Eneza</a></div>
Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-60751363069779188802013-10-27T04:04:00.000-07:002013-10-29T09:40:54.404-07:00KENYA DEFENCE FORCES ADMITS STEALING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">NAIROBI, Kenya-- After weeks of denying stealing anything from the
Westgate Mall following attacks by the al-Shaaabab, the Kenya Defence
Forces have finally admitted they stole bottled water from one of the
supermarkets. This came on the wake of the latest damning CCTV footage
showing soldiers walking away with Nakumatt shopping bags.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UJi55rUDNd4/UmzymgawCuI/AAAAAAAAAYo/HzlsruGZFOA/s1600/kdf+looting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UJi55rUDNd4/UmzymgawCuI/AAAAAAAAAYo/HzlsruGZFOA/s1600/kdf+looting.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">only 'Crystal' clear bottled water with the KEBS 'Diamond' mark of quality made it into those shopping bags</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">"Our soldiers just borrowed a few bottles of water. They were
thirsty. We were going to pay for them afterwards " said Major Emmanuel
Chirchir, the Kenya Military Spokesman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Reports of the KDF stealing water from the mall started doing
rounds on social media a few days after the four day siege with shop owners
in the mall reporting smashed water coolers,
dispensers and Styrofoam plastic cups in their shops. The Military initially
denied everything with the Army General Julius Karangi saying this was
Propaganda by the al-Shabaab to make them look bad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">“Am not saying anyone stole anything. What am saying is that 70percent of our pre attack bottled
water stock was un accounted for, post
attack and that’s a lot of bottled water
for a supermarket” said Thiagarajan Ramamurthy, Director Nakumatt Holdings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">“It must have been the
al-Shabaab. We only took a few bottles. They use water before they pray and we
have video evidence they prayed a lot in there you know” said General Karangi.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Most Kenyans were shocked by the reports from the beginning considering
the Military is held in high esteem as the most disciplined forces on the
continent and called for the immediate arrest of the soldiers involved but the
military said that would be a bit tricky. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Since the CCTV footage didn’t capture the soldier’s faces directly
it would be hard to profile. But he called upon the members of public who have
watched the video to come forward with any clues which could identify the rogue
soldiers like their height, build and the way they walked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">But some Kenyans sympathetic to the KDF wondered what all the
fuss was about.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> “ it’s not like it’s Abu Ghraib
or somebody used Sarin. It’s just our own little ‘Watergate” said Sam
Amungo a Paralegal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Meanwhile, 15 top immigration officials were fired as a result of
the Westgate events including, but not limited to the missing bottled water.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php" name="fb_share" type="button_count">Eneza</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0Nairobi, Kenya-1.2920659 36.821946199999957-1.5460579 36.499222699999955 -1.0380739 37.144669699999959tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-28196624662376188892013-04-25T08:41:00.000-07:002013-04-25T09:22:59.408-07:00IQRA<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In a chat room on the internet the<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b>following conversation took place
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Excerpts</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: hmm….wonder what a bank account and toothpaste have in
common. Hint: Robert Ackerstrom</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phil Broderick: easy to take out but hard to put back.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: it’s refreshing to have a nigga who actually reads or
listens to books. Congrats brotha</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phil: am not a nigga</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: oh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wish you were.
so my comments would come<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to pass just
like Dr. Kings “I Have A Dream”. We have a black president who’s ‘not that
black’ just like the first black secretary of state</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phil: but am happy you are so I guess your prophecy is self fulfilling,
literally.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>sorry to bust
your bubble dude. Am no nigga either, am African</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phil: can it be fixed</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: no can do and am not waiting forty years</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phil: good luck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll
need it</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me: yuck fou bro</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">“reading makes a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>full man; conference makes a ready man; and writing an exact man” –
Francis Bacon</span> <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php" name="fb_share" type="button_count">Eneza</a><script src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/connect.php/js/FB.Share" type="text/javascript"></script></div>
Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-75179220222638531972013-01-17T19:09:00.000-08:002013-01-18T07:30:34.082-08:00Oppan Gangrape Style<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
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A charitable Delhi Hippie Band is suing Psy<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for stealing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>their idea for his <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>YouTube<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hit Gangnam style. Speaking<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>reporters in the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>aisle<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of a commuter train the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>group claims the original idea for the song <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was sampled<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from a single<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>titled ‘Gangrape Style’ off their yet to be
released album <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jugaad . </div>
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<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Clnz0iNtYfI/UPi7tUGrTAI/AAAAAAAAAXU/iKTAQ97OAao/s1600/vlcsnap-2013-01-18-05h57m37s182.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Clnz0iNtYfI/UPi7tUGrTAI/AAAAAAAAAXU/iKTAQ97OAao/s320/vlcsnap-2013-01-18-05h57m37s182.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>with the floodgates of litigation open, the Indian government is suing for breach of this Kamasutra patent</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The Album is a parody of their sub continental society and
their callousness on many matters including women, the caste system, curry and bathing
on the river Ganges. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
According to our reliable sources the group also plans to
sue the Korean Pop star for emotional distress and loss of revenue.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Asked why they didn’t release the single earlier the Band
blamed government red tape for the delay. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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“We had<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to be
approved by<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the Indian film and
censorship<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>board first<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>meant deleting and/ or modifying some content which they found offensive
which <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>meant we had to go back to the studio”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>said Vimal<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ramamurthy. </div>
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<br /></div>
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“In short Psy beat us to it, he got there first and on
YouTube it’s all about who gets there first. It seems<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>like we turned up on Friday for a cricket
match that was played on Sunday<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>afternoon [previous week ]but that doesn’t mean<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we don’t own the game” added<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vimal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fans agreed but critics asked why now, what were they
waiting for all that time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their lawyers
admit luck was not on their side either. </div>
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<br /></div>
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“ We<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>were<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>working on presenting <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>solid
case gathering<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>electronic evidence<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and reliable witnesses and that takes a
little bit of time then came this….you know, that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>bus thing”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>their<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lead<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>counsel<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>said referring<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to the gang rape
of a twenty<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>something<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>college girl in a bus, who later died in
hospital while undergoing treatment.</div>
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<br /></div>
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According to their lawyers the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Delhi Band was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>reluctant to go ahead with<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>litigation in the first place<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>preferring the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>release of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the “Gangrape Style”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on YouTube to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>go head to head<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>intellectual property thief ‘Psycho’s’ so lame
“Gangnam Style”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“We<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>figured
maybe<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>if we just download it [on the
internet] netizens will see through it and hopefully we will be able to
rest<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the case on who is the real McCoy
and who is the <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joseph<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Kony”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>said <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a confident Vimal<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>apparently <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the defacto spokesperson of the Band. </div>
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<br /></div>
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“But Bam!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another 29
year old woman is raped, it’s on the networks and we decide screw<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it!! We’re suing.” Added<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vimal.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Pundits and government officials agreed in unison it was a
wise decision for two main reasons. Number one, they were screwed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>anyways and like most things charity they
needed the money badly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Number two, posting such a potentially viral video like
“Gangrape Style” by an Indian group, after back to back horrific headline
hogging (f)actual gang rapes had the potential of doing more harm than good.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“ First, there is a chance of Pakistan promoting<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>it in a bad way, then it goes viral and that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>would be a moral nuclear holocaust to our
social standing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>no matter<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>how noble the original intention. It would
make India look bad. Second, it would be considered insensitive to the families
and friends of those affected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>” said India’s
home minister<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sushilkumar Shinde in a
statement some noted was sort of misplaced in priority, and paranoid.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As of time of press, the Delhi Band Lawyers were discussing
an out of court settlement<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>following a
proposal by the Band dubbed ‘One Pepper Spray<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A Lady [OPSAL]” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but Psy lawyers
warned on the logistical nightmare of providing more than<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> half </span>a billion pepper sprays in a country 758 times
the size of Kenya…and their effectiveness as most new cases were evolving to gang
rape style.</div>
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php" name="fb_share" type="button_count">Eneza</a><script src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/connect.php/js/FB.Share" type="text/javascript"></script></div>
Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-70011848697919629612012-12-27T08:36:00.002-08:002013-04-19T09:59:15.392-07:00Obesity Killing Three Times More Than Malnutrition<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
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Obesity has overtaken malnutrition as a leading child killer
according to a new report. This has come as a surprise to most as all pointers showed
the world running out of food since the world population hit the 7billion mark
this year.</div>
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<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XUWckEjAol4/UNx39arHlBI/AAAAAAAAAXE/QhRW8pCs0UE/s1600/fattie.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XUWckEjAol4/UNx39arHlBI/AAAAAAAAAXE/QhRW8pCs0UE/s1600/fattie.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>overnourished is the new malnourished</i></td></tr>
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“This is mockery”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>said
a representative<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from End Hunger Now,
a not-for-profit committed to ending hunger on the planet. “How could they do
this to us” he re-iterated in reference to no one in particular.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Leaders <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from the Horn
of Africa condemned this report<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>explaining it will undo many <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>years of progress<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>made raising awareness on the ravages of
hunger but pundits <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>feared<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>they<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>were more concerned<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>about<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the potential<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>fallout as donors<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>might pull out
based<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>on the misleading Lancet report.</div>
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<br /></div>
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As<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>policy makers<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and dieticians pondered<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>their next move with an aim to focus on the
root cause of obesity, focus groups warned emphasis on kids had the
unpleasant<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>outcome of ignoring<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>adult<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>overweight’s, even alienating<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>them.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“But it could get worse. Resources<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>might be diverted<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>from other child killers such as Malaria, choking
and ammunition” said Sarah<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aidkin a
dietician<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with the National Health
Service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
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Data<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>also indicated<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>child mortality was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>generally<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>down compared to a decade ago, </div>
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Apple maps<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>getting better<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>stuffed Turkey tasted better<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this year than last.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A proposal by Sub-Saharan governments to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>initiate a sort of exchange program<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as a solution to the fattie malaise<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>where affected junior citizens from opposite sides
of the hemisphere<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>would switch
lifestyles<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and location<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for a year or two in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>an attempt to reverse the trend was politely
declined by Western governments <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but
proposal for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>an Africa<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for USA concert <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>under consideration<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with KFC
pledging free chicken nuggets to anyone who walks or bicycles to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the venue.</div>
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php" name="fb_share" type="button_count">Eneza</a><script src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/connect.php/js/FB.Share" type="text/javascript"></script></div>
Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-89335200689093990522012-12-20T12:16:00.001-08:002012-12-20T19:44:46.625-08:00PAPARAZZI CCTVS ON MANDELA HOSPITAL<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Following<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nelson
Mandela’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>most <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>recent hospitalization major <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>competing <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>news<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>agencies spying on<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>him<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>were forced to review strategy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A Reuters<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>source who
requested anonymity due to the culturally sensitive nature of the topic
admitted<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>there<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>being a plan B for “M-Plan” from the start
in<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>anticipation for “Day-X” ; M-Plan referring
to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>general reportage preparations<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>incase of Mandela’s/Madiba’s death on day x.</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5xF9GPwiuxU/UNNwzDBZi6I/AAAAAAAAAWs/SqhIMTjyaGc/s1600/mandela+retirement++home.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5xF9GPwiuxU/UNNwzDBZi6I/AAAAAAAAAWs/SqhIMTjyaGc/s320/mandela+retirement++home.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">AP spy photo of Mandela's retirement home in Qunu, Eastern Cape Province</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh yeah, we have CCTV cameras trained towards the hospital
as usual, and powerful<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SLR’s<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just awaiting<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>activation when the time comes--“Day X” could<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just be<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>21/12/12. Epic scoop” added our source. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Asked if she was aware she was breaking South African law<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>she added as long as she was not caught
filming anything<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>before his death,
which she was not doing at the time of going to press then she had a pretty
water tight case.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If you think our activities are law breaking, you
should<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>check out what<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>those<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>guys at AP are doing” she <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>concluded<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>referring to bank breaking tactics
employed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by the Associated<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Press which included <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hiring nurses and other<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“fixers”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>capture The<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>inevitability using all means necessary.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Media houses often co-operate with each other but no, not
this time. This is considered to be a huge event in a country where Mandela is
revered as a Pope, Monarch and Statesman all rolled in one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This has not only driven up the asking price of quality
informants<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but most demand up to 60pc
down payments<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>before taking position.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This has hit major broadcasters
hard as there are no guarantees the target will succumb to inevitabilities in
places they thought he would succumb to inevitabilities, places like his
retirement home but most swear no expense will be spared.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Obviously our option at the moment is to plant as many
moles [in advance] in as many top hospitals just in case he has to transfer
from the hospital he’s in right now to another for one reason or another. Yes <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>we have paid top Rand down payment<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and yes we intend<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to continue doing so for <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>long
we have to because we believe the people of the world have the right to real
time information and amateur<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>footage”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>said Eugene DuPlessis an
editor with a <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>top <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>local tabloid.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Asked whether outrageous anti competitive tactics like
booking all hotel blocks in and around a hundred feet radius or block booking helicopters
and helipads in the area to prevent others getting the aerial shot was still an
option all agreed in unison.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As at the time of going to press, unconfirmed reports in
twitter indicated Mandela was being flown to the United States for specialised
treatment.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-83653639736075404112010-09-14T07:29:00.000-07:002010-09-16T00:07:38.162-07:00Study On Effects Of Second-Hand Smoke On Smokers Out BEYROUTH, Liban[Lebanon]- A new study by the Center for Waterpipe Smoking in Beirut has just concluded a study on the effects of secondary smoke on fellow smokers standing nearby, smoking.<br />
<br />
Initially it was mocked and seen as a slap on the face of the generally known studies which investigated the effects of secondary smoke on non-smokers but the non-profit's director Dr. Faizal Kassim Baltasar explained the main aim was to explore an important niche most often ignored.<br />
<br />
" from WHO to the FDA[US Food and Drug Administration] everybody was talking about how secondary smoke was dangerous on non-smokers as it contained more than 4000 different harmful chemicals. But what about the smokers inhaling this second smoke aren't they getting a double lethal dose and who was fighting for them" said Dr. Baltasar.<br />
<br />
" If you want to smoke yourself to death at least leave your fellow smokers out of it" added Baltasar.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TI-F2lKvvHI/AAAAAAAAAVg/eOkfFpZnS6E/s1600/suicede+booth+3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TI-F2lKvvHI/AAAAAAAAAVg/eOkfFpZnS6E/s320/suicede+booth+3.jpeg" /></a></div> <br />
<i>a comic book inspired</i> <i>'one-at-a-time' proposals like the one above were hailed as the perfect solution by the Syrian Government since it solved the dilemma of the non-smoking taxpayer by charging the user</i>. <i>Ignore</i> the print in red.<br />
<br />
The study which showed smokers were at a higher risk of dying from smoke of other smokers standing nearby, say, in public designated smoking areas, than non-smokers recommended private single individual designated smoking areas like those in some European airports/public transit stations.<br />
<br />
"We understand it's going to burn a hole in the taxpayers pocket but health first" said an anonymous sympathizer.<br />
<br />
Most institutions were not amused with some like the <i>Americans for Non-smokers' Rights</i> saying an organization in a country like Syria which just banned smoking the other day had no moral right.<br />
<br />
"They just signed the law on 21st April 2010, small wonder they are still nostalgic about the smoker and now they are telling us to give health priorities to second-hand smoke smokers. I bet Dr. Baltasar is a closet smoker himself" said Dr. Jeff Brigg director of communications for<i> ANR</i>.<br />
<br />
Baltasar dismissed his statement as professional jealousies.<br />
<br />
"My friend Jeff is forgetting we are the first Arab nation to ban smoking including the <i>Narghile</i>[waterpipe] in public areas in a country and region with a cultural history of smoking anything from Poppy to Camel shit. And now that we are the first to come up with this breakthrough study while they were smoking pot, and we are not American, well,i think Dr. Frankenstein is green with envy" said Baltasar.<br />
<br />
As of the time of press, the <i>Americans for Non-smokers' Rights </i>organization<i> </i>announced<i> </i>it was embarking on research to study the effects of second-hand smoke on the individual smoker, so just we may know<i>.</i><br />
<br />
NB: our French born/American-Israeli writer was barred entry to Syria. They suspected he was an Israeli spy<br />
<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-3643938185198621092010-09-11T02:56:00.000-07:002010-09-17T05:07:02.791-07:009/11 Hijackers Doing Just Fine, So They Say. Except One. Had A Bad StomachNEW YORK, New York- Nine years after 9/11, beneath ground zero sources have confirmed all 19 hijackers were doing just fine except for Nawaq al-Hamzi one of the flight 77 hijackers which had crashed on the pentagon.<br />
<br />
In a "Situation Room" like setting the 19 perpetrators of the worst terror so far in American history allowed for a short, unedited interview sharing their thoughts and what they could have done different.<br />
<br />
"He's having a serious bout of diarrhoea, i think it's the Tofu. Cuisine can be quite unpredictable in here" said Salem al-Hamzi a colleague and one of the 19 referring to his absent comrade.<br />
<br />
Quickly veering away from matters of food the twenty something Salem said he had no regrets whatsoever and given another chance he wouldn't think twice about crashing a jumbo jet into an American establishment.<br />
<br />
"Talking of Jumbo jets, i heard they got a Super-jumbo out. Too bad it's made in Europe" added Salem whereby Atta jumped in and said that might not be so bad.<br />
<br />
"Of course you cannot equate the evilness of the E.U. to the U.S. but with recent intelligence reports am getting from France, our rather erstwhile ally, i think rattling them a bit will bring them back to their senses and surrender in their anti burqa and hijab war" said Atta.<br />
<br />
"A bomb scare on an A380 will do just fine in reminding them who's [still] boss in solid ground and the hereafter" concluded Atta.<br />
<br />
Stressing to them that they were now in the afterlife and were powerless against beings above was interrupted by an unexpected tongue lashing.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TJM63w30bdI/AAAAAAAAAVo/8jmyOd7mEPw/s1600/zombie.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TJM63w30bdI/AAAAAAAAAVo/8jmyOd7mEPw/s320/zombie.jpeg" /></a></div><br />
<i> recommended read for most still haunted by those goons</i><br />
<br />
"....point of correction. First of all who said we are below ground. Is Jannah[Paradise] below ground? Is that what your book says? Second of all where did you get the crazy idea our remains might be somewhere in a Manhattan dump site" said a foaming Satam al-Suqami of flight 11 during a flare up which caught me by surprise because i had not come to that subject- yet.<br />
<br />
After some calming down by the others to forgive my ignorance the hijackers admitted it gets lonely sometimes in Paradise.<br />
<br />
"I miss home. If only they made the <i>Khubz</i>[Pita] just like my mama did i wouldn't be complaining. Neither would Nawaq have to take those Tofus. He himself had no idea he was Soy[a] intolerant" said Salem.<br />
<br />
This led me to inquire whether we could speak to the chief chef and what he had to say for himself but my request was flatly refused leaving me to suspect if indeed this interview was taking place in Heaven.<br />
<br />
The room fell dead silent for a while and it seemed my next unscripted question was unexpected when i inquired about, you know, the biggest and most interesting prize-the 72 virgins.<br />
<br />
Mohammed Atta finally broke the silence by saying they are not free to discuss their sex lives with strangers but conceded babies, lots of them are there and many others on their way at different stages after which everybody else slowly filed out of the room, up a flight of quartzite stairs wearing contemptuous looks obviously fed up with either me, 'Heaven' or both.<br />
<br />
That's the moment i snapped off my dream. I never had the time to snoop around to confirm if indeed i had actually had a glimpse of Paradise; or not.<br />
<br />
There is still a good chance the Boyz and Men might be doing just fine after all.<br />
<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-73217406922776772692010-08-18T06:26:00.000-07:002010-08-19T01:27:37.458-07:00Toyota Probox Chosen New Official Somali Wagon Of Choice EASTLEIGH, Nairobi- It's now official. The Easleigh council of elders[ <i>Guurt Izili</i>] a board mainly made up of Septogenarian[seventy somethings] Kenyan Somali businessmen has unanimously passed a resolution declaring the Toyota Probox the official commercial use station wagon in that region.<br />
<br />
The Probox replaces the Toyota L-touring and it's sister wagon the G-touring which have faithfully and reliably served the region as the ultimate commercial wagons since 1996.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TGveU9mc4pI/AAAAAAAAAVM/tFhxeGmAt8s/s1600/probox.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TGveU9mc4pI/AAAAAAAAAVM/tFhxeGmAt8s/s1600/probox.jpeg" /></a></div><i>a picture of the wagon of choice with the right colour on one of the pamphlet</i>s to<i> be distributed to all</i> <i>across Eastleigh</i><br />
<br />
"Before that am not sure what was the official wagon but what am sure of is i really am going to miss my Petrol engine, 1498cc, 262,900 km,Automatic baby " said an emotional Abdishukri Welli aka Abdi Warabe wiping a tear off his eye as he traded in his L-Touring at the <i>Walay</i> autos for a Probox to beat the August 31st deadline.<br />
<br />
"It was like a member of the family" he added.<br />
<br />
Indeed most Somalis treat their station wagons as a member of the family just like a pet lover does which presents problems for the elders.<br />
<br />
"Most families don't want to let go" said Dawood one of the elders.<br />
<br />
" But we understand that's why we allowed them to spend as much reasonable time as possible to say goodbyes before ushering in the new era of Proboxes.We are also carrying out free counseling sessions to make them understand change is the only constant in this life" added Dawood.<br />
<br />
What about those who don't want to let go at all especially those who just bought their first L or G touring recently- Dawood admit there is little they can do about that but strongly believed peer pressure from business associates, family members, Imams and clan will eventually carry the day.<br />
<br />
"The Kenyan Somali is a civilised lot. We understand ours is a tightly knit community which places high value on family. Instead of brute force and unnecessary fines we are tapping into that soft power to eventually achieve our goals" explained an optimistic Dawood.<br />
<br />
As of press time, Dawood had already acquired his brand new snow white KBM Probox as a good example for others to follow suit.<br />
<br />
" The preffered colour is white specifically to match with our robes during Friday Prayers but i understand we Somalis are so religious we wear robes seven days a week and because we also have a keen eye for Islamic fashion. They come in different colours from Islamic green to Kaaba black. So i believe the verdict is out" said Dawood addressing a press conference of local journalists outside the Sheikh Yusuf Masjid 7th street.<br />
<br />
Though critics admit the Probox has slightly more trunk space, improved technology and more or less the same maneuverability as it's predecessors the L and G series of wagons, it has no curves.<br />
<br />
"it looks like bread" said Ali Sugow Dhahir a restaurant owner.<br />
<br />
At the moment the directive only applies to the Somali community which are a majority in Eastleigh since as they put it "the council respects and recognises the freedoms and liberties of other communities in the area" but elders would like to see it apply to everyone without necessarily violating their freedoms.<br />
<br />
The <i>Guurt Izili</i> is considering passing another resolution boycotting transportation services from non-Somalis without a non-compliant station wagon.<br />
<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-42002314227185965702010-08-06T07:56:00.000-07:002010-08-07T12:04:51.324-07:00Lies For Sex Illegal In New Constitution, Says FIDA, Inspired By Israeli Laws EAST JERUSALEM, Israel- An Israeli Arab dude called 'Dudu' who allegedly 'raped' an Israeli woman only identified as Maya has appealed his sentence.<br />
<br />
Kashur, 30 a resident of East Jerusalem and whom Israeli and Arab friends call Dudu a common Isareli name lied to a woman two years ago. 10yrs her junior, Dudu said he was single[indeed he was married with two kids], was looking for a serious relationship [obviously not] and 100 per cent Jewish [implied by his nickname].<br />
<br />
The lady was impressed and within 15minutes of their meet they had done it. Sabbar Kashur took her number which was and the natural, gentlemanly and ok thing to do. what's not ok is she called her- two years later and that's where the trouble started.<br />
<br />
As of the time of press, his 18 month sentenced had been commuted to house arrest pending the appeal hearing, with an electronic RFID thingy to monitor his movements. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFwhtYYtaOI/AAAAAAAAAVE/0lw3O8hHlys/s1600/sabbar.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFwhtYYtaOI/AAAAAAAAAVE/0lw3O8hHlys/s320/sabbar.jpeg" /></a></div><br />
<i>following ill advice from his Arab-American friends, 'Dudu's' [which is a nickname for David] pleas of "I never played 'sax' with that woman" didn't fool the Israeli police</i><br />
<br />
<br />
In other news, an African migrant male worker in the Saudi Kingdom was arrested for accompanying a female who was neither his sister, wife, a female relative and obviously not her mother to a parking lot.<br />
<br />
On further questioning he admitted he was not an adult adoptee either.<br />
<br />
This followed a week after an Arab spy for the Israelis was nearly stoned to death for having sex with an Arab whore before being rescued by The Saudi general intelligence, <i>Al Mukhabarat Al A'amah</i> officers who needed to extract information from him.<br />
<br />
Back in Jerusalem, the International Association of Jewish Public Service Employees[IAJPSE] was organising a workshop for the City's company's senior management regarding the tough Jewish laws regarding boss/secretary relations.<br />
<br />
Also reminding them, though unknown to many, it is still illegal for a boss to sleep with her secretary under no circumstance; consensually or otherwise drawing attention to the organisation's 6pillars of <i>Integrity</i>,<i>Allegiance, Judaica, Professionalism, Service</i> and <i>Ethics</i>[IAJPSE].<br />
<br />
"And if you are rich and have done it already you should be crossing your fingers for the next ten years because that's the time period such a complaint is null and void" added Schlomo Chaim a civil Attorney addressing the mostly male participants.<br />
<br />
Closer to home the non-profit NGO Federation of Women Lawyers[FIDA] Kenya supported the verdict on Sabbar Kashur and promised it's clients, mainly female victims of domestic violence of brand new harsher laws in the works.<br />
<br />
To attract the younger generation 'Y' female crowd, FIDA promised to lobby for the enactment of laws making it illegal for men to lie to women not only for sex but other matters of great importance and concern like their income,age, height, where they live, which car they drive, past relationships and if she is the only one in his life.<br />
<br />
"Following the passage of the referendum vote for the new constitution which guarantees land ownership for women among other rights i think we are covering good ground" said Fida gender co-ordinator Miss Magdaline K.<br />
<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-55086374079044035662010-07-31T04:17:00.000-07:002010-07-31T04:30:06.805-07:00Wyclef For PresidentSADDLE RIVER,New Jersey- The world famous recording Artiste/Producer Wyclef Jean has given hint's he will be running for the November Haitian elections as President.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFQFsSSNeDI/AAAAAAAAAU8/d8u2POhraKs/s1600/wyclef.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFQFsSSNeDI/AAAAAAAAAU8/d8u2POhraKs/s320/wyclef.jpeg" /></a>Though no official announcement has been made by Mr. Jean himself-yet- he has already presented his fingerprints, in person, to the concerned authorities in Haiti and has until August 7th 2010 to register as a candidate.<br />
<br />
This announcement naturally has sparked off optimism in the heaven forsaken island plagued by corruption, incompetence but unlike it's parent continent Africa, prone to hurricanes and earthquakes.<br />
<br />
Most Haitians believe Jean is the man to effect this much needed systemic change but local critics described him as an "Oreo" - black on the outside and white on the inside- a charge his publicist refused to comment on.<br />
<br />
" It's a shame they are blind to the wonderful work Wyclef has done through his <i>Yele Haiti</i> foundation. That should give them a good idea of the compassionate, responsible and actually black man from America they are dealing with here" said Prakazrel "Pras" Michel, Wyclef's cousin, himself an Artiste and firmly in support of his quest to change his home country.<br />
<br />
Nevertheless pundits opined Wyclef has no experience in foreign policy or any form of elective politics in that matter and cannot be relied on or rely on his humanitarian activities to make up for everything.<br />
<br />
"We understand he's got charisma;he sure knows how to work the crowds, and an open heart but one thing, [in my opinion] they are conveniently leaving out is the not so open books of his organization" said Kirk Whitherkill a political analyst for Fox News referring to financial misappropriations concerning <i>Yele Haiti</i> which made Wyclef Jean cry during an interview explaining he had never channeled any aid money inappropriately for his personal use.<br />
<br />
In other news, his uncle Raymond Joseph who also happens to be Haiti's Ambassador to America announced he will be running for the same post leaving Wyclef's other cousins( apart from "Pras") with a tough familial decision.<br />
<br />
"I believe they can reach agreement and Ray can be his running mate. What i want my baby to know is that in case it get's too hot in the kitchen or gawdforbid another major tremblor strikes during his watch, he's always welcome back home" said his mother.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile in other quarters, the Tea Party Movement de-facto leader Sarah Palin said she was happy for Wyclef and the people of Haiti but would have been much happier if Obama had discovered and considered that route- earlier.<br />
<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-7018367817618738462010-07-30T07:34:00.000-07:002010-07-30T08:10:15.777-07:00The Sun Also Sets- In Catalonia CATALONIA,Spain-A vote banning Bull fighting in the Spanish autonomous town of Catalonia has sparked outrage from lovers of Ernest Hemingway's 1926 novel <i> The Sun Also Rises</i>.<br />
<br />
"This is a clear upfront of an American hero" said Debbie Applegate of Bedford Park, Illinois and chairperson of the acclaimed novelists fun club, a remark quickly dismissed by a PETA[People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals] rep. Illinois chapter as a cheap shot.<br />
<br />
"First of all, what Ms. Applegate is defending contravenes all statements in our slogan; animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment. Second with their backing for paper backs, that club should be more worried about the TreeHuggers bull shit up their [expletive]" said Ann Thorpe on behalf of PETA.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFLh32Y3D7I/AAAAAAAAAUs/ZfWbKPP_EJs/s1600/lettuceladies-kenya.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFLh32Y3D7I/AAAAAAAAAUs/ZfWbKPP_EJs/s320/lettuceladies-kenya.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFLiAi9ZsMI/AAAAAAAAAU0/wdZ0tvBr5y4/s1600/elizabeth-berkeley-peta-lettuce-lady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TFLiAi9ZsMI/AAAAAAAAAU0/wdZ0tvBr5y4/s320/elizabeth-berkeley-peta-lettuce-lady.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<i> Michelle Odhiambo(above) and an un-identified PETA lettuce mermaid</i><br />
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Many people and friends of the Kingdom of Spain supported the Catalon community's move with the Netherland's Queen Beatrix hailing the Parliamentary decision as a victory towards animal rights but political pundits debated this could be about more than just abolishing Bull fighting.<br />
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" I have this nagging feeling the Catalons don't like the Spanish people much. Their culture and language and... but hey, don't treat this seriously it's just a hunch" said Jorge Alejo.<br />
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Meanwhile, in related news Michelle Odhiambo, a Ms. Lettuce and Vegetarian for the last 8 years from Kenya has acknowledged receiving " we will eat you" and "i know friends who have eaten you" sms's from her newly launched campaign to ban Bull and Cock fighting practices prominent in Western Kenya communities.<br />
<br />
" I was inspired by the Catalonians to start this new campaign after my previous Lettuce costume got a lot of media attention. But these recent threats have forced me and my team to reconsider approach" said the U.S. educated Ms. Odhiambo denying any suggestions she was chickening out of anything.<br />
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Kenyan police are investigating the matter.<br />
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The Bull Running committee for the San Fermin Fiesta refused to comment on the matter since they were busy preparing and planning for the 2011 but issued a statement instead.<br />
<br />
"Following the unfortunate turn of events we should expect an unusually large pouring of spectators to Pamplona. As you can see, this will present a logistical nightmare for us but this also means the signs look good as long as the future of Bullfighting in Spain is concerned ".<br />
<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-10133540783348301592010-06-17T07:08:00.000-07:002010-06-19T06:50:00.886-07:00Algeria, Cameroon, Nigeria Get A Resounding 'No' In Opinion PollsNairobi, Kenya- As Kenyans remained sharply divided on the draft constitution they are about to vote YES or NO in a forthcoming referendum, sources in Pubs have noticed a unifying factor- the World Cup.<br />
<br />
Not the beautiful tournament passe but the answer with a 'YES', 'NO' or 'So So' to the question of who 'Should Have', 'Shouldn't Have' and 'Should Not' have represented Africa in the tournament. <br />
<br />
Following the results of a telephone poll by Synovate,a polling company a whopping 89 per cent of Kenyans think Algeria, Nigeria and Cameroon were a general disappointment in their opening matches. 70pc of that 89pc were not surprised though as they put it "following the experiences of Germany 2006 we were just bracing ourselves for a whole new level of 'underwhelment' by our 'West Africon bradas' referring to Nigeria and Cameroon.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TBoq6KIM78I/AAAAAAAAAUk/WUzFjyOtGJw/s1600/indian+ball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TBoq6KIM78I/AAAAAAAAAUk/WUzFjyOtGJw/s320/indian+ball.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<i> 76 per cent of pollsters also claimed this football team of Indian Gurus,Papajis and potential snake charmers would have provided a better scoreline and entertainment than those disappointing 3 teams put together. As of time of reporting, Analysts strongly predicted South Africa will make the number 4</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Our computers showed a 110pc error margin + or- 0.03 pc. which of course is an error and am not blaming the machine" said Ms. S Poll research co-ordinator Synovate who declined to be named unless her computer crashed following day.<br />
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Algeria the African country just happy to be at the Cup again since 1986.<br />
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"They are a total waste of air ticket.Saying they area as productive as a paper weight is an insult to the paper weight" said Dickens Owuodo a Pub goer.<br />
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Leading Politicians opposed to the draft constitution did not want to be caught at the Train Station when the Ship was docking at Port.<br />
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"We have not figured out yet how but we are open to suggestions. We plan to make this triple digit 'NO' vote reflect on our own 'NO' campaign" said William Ruto a Politician opposed to the new Draft Constitution.<br />
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Needless to say the Algerians were furious by the belittling of their national team but not as much as the mention of Egypt by in the 'Should Have' part of the poll alongside Zambia, Kenya, Madagascar and Sychelles the last three having never qualified.<br />
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"This is ridiculous. Egypt does not even acknowledge it's African-ness" fumed the Algerian Captain Yazid Mansouri.<br />
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Most other African countries agreed leading the Kenyan foreign minister to apologise on behalf of his countrymen to avoid a diplomatic spat.<br />
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"We had so much going on; the Premier League just ended, World Cup fever was catching on, Biden came then left with the President for South Africa after a hurried budget speech at State House instead of the August House all in less than a week." said Moses Wetangula Kenya's foreign minister.<br />
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"And i conveniently forgot to mention the referendum campaigns were heating up at that very time" he added.<br />
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Meanwhile, Synovate MD George Waititu announced a repeat of the Poll after news came in of South Africa's 3-0 defeat against Uruguay.<br />
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Madiba in a statement through his aides advised Kenyans to steer away from ethnic politics and embrace Rainbow Politics at the same time get a life- outside of football and <i>Shebeens</i><br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-58006769360821773802010-06-16T05:12:00.000-07:002010-06-16T07:34:36.060-07:00Cameroon Blames Ball For Defeat<b>Afrique du Sud</b>- A Cameroonian player has blamed the Adidas designed synthetic <i>Jabulani</i> ball for their 1-0 defeat against Japan. This heaped on a string of ball blaming incidents first by Tanzania's keeper <i>Muharami Mohammed</i> during their friendly defeat against Brazil , Algerian coach <i>Madjid Bougherra</i> following a 1-0 defeat against the perceived underdogs Slovenia finally leading Nigeria's <i>Dickson Etuhu</i> remarks 'it's difficult to know where the ball will go after kicking it.'.<br />
<br />
FIFA has so far dismissed the claims asserting the ball was available for practice as far back as February. An official also noted the Germans did not complain after their 4-1 thrashing of the Aussies but one Nigerian football commentator Oba Babatunde Ngaido countered<br />
<br />
"that's a football made in Germany what did you expect."<br />
<br />
"If anybody has any complaints about the <i>Jabulani</i> they should file an official complaint just like the Europeans did for the Vuvuzela. So far i haven't seen one on my desk" said Sepp Blatter defending the 2010 ball.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TBi8-E61XmI/AAAAAAAAAUc/rk9N5jrGLO4/s1600/Jabulani_Ball_World_Cup_2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TBi8-E61XmI/AAAAAAAAAUc/rk9N5jrGLO4/s320/Jabulani_Ball_World_Cup_2010.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<i> the ball at the center of the World Cup [blame] game captured in a far right Post corner </i>.<i>" FIFA should do enough.A level playing field will only be achieved with a football made in Africa- not just an African name. After all this is our time"said the CAF President Issa Hayatou a native of Garoua, Cameroon</i><br />
<br />
"You all know am a darling of Africa that's why i wholly supported the <i>Kick Racism Out Of Football</i> campaign and eventually brought the <i>World Cup</i> to you but people you have to understand it's a bit late to change the ball at this point of the tournament" added Blatter wiping his brow in exasperation.<br />
<br />
Though Afro haters would be wrong to suggest it's only Africans who are calling for a ball change it should be noted that star players like David James(England), Mark Schwarzer(Austaralia), Iker Cassilas(Spain) and Gianluigi Buffon(Italy) are in support.<br />
<br />
"That's a cheat the last four are goal keepers. Go fool an American and for the record, nothing personal but i think the Italian keeper is an old buffoon" said Brian Chadwick an English fan, three days after their disappointing 1-1 draw against the United States.<br />
<br />
Reached for comment the US Coach Bob Bradley said the blame game should stop quoting the Truman classic 'the buck stops here'.<br />
<br />
He also reiterated he still expected a repeat of the 1950 1-0 defeat against England, 60 years ago [should they meet again].<br />
<br />
"We will fight this war with everything we've got for as long as it takes" concluded Coach Bradley at a press conference in Pretoria.<br />
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<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-35119094073849359252010-05-25T11:06:00.000-07:002010-06-16T07:30:33.367-07:00Is Higher Learning Necessary? Experts Say Not ReallySAN FERNANDO, California- Experts across the United States have come out strongly against the generally held belief that higher education is a crucial pre-requisite in the 21st century tech driven world.<br />
<br />
"Honestly and contrary to popular belief you don't need four years of graduate school to figure out how to make money. And whats with the outcry over rising fees and mounting student debts" said Pascale Munir PhD a Sociology Professor at UCLA.<br />
<br />
Most college educated people disagreed saying most people opposed to higher learning are bitter they were not able to achieve it because of a number of factors like first world poverty, poor grades,ill advised subject mix,lack of opportunities to get laid or in some cases, a combination of all.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TAEeuYso9-I/AAAAAAAAATo/RTZnfYr_XnU/s1600/Karume-book.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/TAEeuYso9-I/AAAAAAAAATo/RTZnfYr_XnU/s320/Karume-book.gif" /></a></div> <i>tired of the world famous drop-outs Bill gates and Paul Allen (Microsoft), Lawrence "Larry" Ellison </i><i>(Oracle), Richard Branson </i><i>(Virgin </i><i>Group) and Mark Zuckerberg(Facebook), Kenyans demanded a closer-to-home drop-out success</i><br />
<br />
<br />
"That's nonsense" said Steve Chadwick a crossword puzzle constructor for the Melbourne Times. " I dropped out as a sophomore because there was nothing they could teach me there and look at me enjoying what i do-how many people in the world can say that" added Chadwick.<br />
<br />
Recent statistics indeed show seven out of ten graduates are working in areas unrelated to their field of study while the others who are lucky are always worried if they will be able to keep their jobs at least until their kids finish college.<br />
<br />
"Why don't you give your kids the option of a 2yrs technical or vocational training?" that's the question we put to Adelaide Burmeister keeping in mind there is a ready demand for "hands on" jobs rather than the bunch of BA's in English, Psychology, Natural History and Anthropology and Ms. Burmeister replied she want's her son to experience life on campus- we conveniently forgot to ask if that included binging and sleeping around.<br />
<br />
For all the opponents of higher learning of course we have an equal number of proponents who argue it's not a question of college diplomas/degrees vs. high school diplomas/degrees but their quality. "We all know 8.4.4[American education System] does not suck, it's the schools.<br />
<br />
Too many inferior credentials chasing too few jobs" said Dr Jake Albrough of Wheaton School. But all is not lost as President Obama has commissioned a task force to immediately comment on the matter and encourage young people and indeed graduates to diversify into enterprise and job creation.<br />
<br />
"Working hard at your job is a good thing but right now we need more people who work hard to create those jobs" Said Obama drawing attention to the number of jobs created so far after the recession at the same time being cautious not to point a finger at the B-School trained executives who caused it in the first place.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, sensing support from the government side the <i>American Dudes and High school Dropouts</i>[ADHD] and the <i>Pre-Tertiary Student Drop-outs</i>[PTSD] both organisations working closely at helping baby boomer drop-outs, generation X and Y '<i>freeters</i>'( young people hoping from job to job) presented a <i>1,000</i> signature petition to the President demanding a law allowing it harder for employers to fire people -<i>just like in France they said</i>- and the need to present 'college papers' in job interviews yet they already posses many years of practical experience.<br />
<br />
In a written statement through the White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, President Obama politely told them to go back to class and get an education . <a href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php" name="fb_share" type="button_count">Eneza</a><script src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/connect.php/js/FB.Share" type="text/javascript">
</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-87342065085822415182010-05-24T05:57:00.000-07:002010-06-16T07:32:16.928-07:00Technically At War North And South Korea Making Good Progress Towards The Real Thing<b>From Both Sides</b>- News just in reveals the Southern part of Korea has refused to speak with the Northern part. This came as a result of the Northern side torpedoing a southern warship.This has led to a further thawing of relations whereby whilst before the two were on 'talking with' terms, this rapidly degenerated to 'talking to' after the sinking as accusations and counter accusations flew across the demilitarized zone [DMZ] like spitfires on nitro.The final straw came after the ballistic findings.<br />
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"We also want our cows back and they can keep the calves and the [bull]shit if they want" said Lie Jijie an angry Southerner referring to the 1001 cows sent over across the DMZ in 2001 by the late Hyundai group founder Chung Ju-yung in accordance with the Sunshine Policy of the South which promised greater interactions and nice feelings between the two Koreas and of which Ju-yung was a big fan.<br />
<br />
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Meanwhile, the U.S government was fully behind the South's decision blaming the North for everything while China insisted the U.S wasn't helping an already tense situation. "It's too early to be certainly sure it was a North submarine or torpedo for that matter which sank the surface ship" said the Chinese foreign minister H.E Yang Jiechi.<br />
<br />
"there is a good chance another neighboring country's submarine torpedo might have hit the submarine which in turn surfaced automatically as an emergency ship" he added.<br />
<br />
Ambassador Yang quietly retracted his last statement after the Russian government complained his hypothesis closely borrowed from the [August 2000] Kursk submarine disaster which claimed all 118 sailors and officer's lives in unexplained circumstances.<br />
<br />
This new reality will also mean both sides will expel each other's workers from their jointly run factories in the border,place propaganda blaring speakers facing the other's side at the border,drop WWII like propaganda leaflets without trespassing the other's airspace in short-make it evident to friend and foe they are technically at war without being at war outright.<br />
<br />
Pundits speculate there is a good chance Legoland combat troops and Terracotta warriors are expected to feature prominently in the front lines "just in case of a full scale war". At the same time, sound and acoustic Engineers were worried less base from the speakers might not get the propaganda message out clearly since they might be wired in sync[in phase].<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-64484265868049907542010-05-18T07:10:00.000-07:002010-05-18T07:27:21.697-07:00Bitter Sweet Victory For A Muslima Miss America<b>PLANET HOLLYWOOD RESORT,Las Vegas</b>-As news of the brand new winner of Miss America, or is it Ms America, an Arab-American but strictly speaking a Lebanese-American, <i>Rima Fakih,</i> sank in and congratulatory sms's zoomed across the networks organizers are agonizing on which demographic minority to make Miss USA 2011.<br />
<br />
"We have already received a ton of requests from the Majority Minorities. Hispanics, African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Chinese-Americans and the rapidly growing Africans in America for kind consideration for the much coveted crown." said Kirsten Plumf a panel member.<br />
<br />
" But that's not all. We received such a barrage of race/ethnicity names i never knew existed like the <i>Chammoro</i>. Almost though it was a variation of Chicano.Luckily we verified everything at the Census Bureau's website which also kinda vaguely explained the differences between <i>Spanish/Hispanic/ Latino</i> <i>et</i> <i>cetera</i>" added Plumf.<br />
<br />
The GOP neo-conservatives complained this was a move at bowing to the Muslims but Ms.Plumf dismissed them as old school politicians just doing what they do best- politicizing everything at first sight.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, modern Arab-Americans across America celebrated by firing blanks in the air at this rare victory in which nobody was hurt which proved critics wrong, once again, that soft power is not just rhetoric.<br />
<br />
Similar feeling was felt across international borders: "nine years after nine eleven. America has a president of Muslim origin and a Muslim Miss
America," tweeted Khalid Alkhalifa, the foreign minister of Bahrain.<br />
<br />
But not everybody was happy especially fundamental Muslim websites who condemned <i>Rima</i> for bringing dishonour upon her family. Threats of the usual <i>fatwas</i> followed immediately.<br />
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<br />
<i> the mostly Muslim Arab-Lebanon-American Miss America 2010 who easily passes off as an African-American to a regular American effectively ruins any chances of an African-American winning the 2011 tiara unless, of course, she is Muslim</i><br />
<br />
<br />
"Well, modeling is fine as long as the woman is chastely covered up but we have proof this girl has stripped at least once, pole danced and wore a bikini. Though i must add i haven't seen the photos myself and the footage because i think beauty pageants is toxic entertainment, what she did my colleagues say is not very good " said a representative of MIA[Muslims In America] Shahad Bilal who is considered a voice of moderation.<br />
<br />
Rima's friends and family have chosen to ignore such threats and advised her to do the same and her <i>uber</i>-moderate parents reassured her she is a <i>quasi Muslim</i> i.e practicing both Islam and Christianity thus the <i>fatwa </i>does not hold.<br />
<br />
<br />
Something else they have chosen to ignore is Bilal's incessant calls to their family home to 'discuss a way out' in return for their daughter's hand in marriage- the proper Islamic way.Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-79265992965410561362010-05-17T09:20:00.000-07:002010-05-18T05:37:41.170-07:00al-Qaeda To Release Tapes In English<b>Someplace Between The Afghani and Pakistani Border</b>- In a rare announcement widely viewed as a seismic shift in policy, the al-Qaeda communications director Ahmad Al-Awrang announced Monday, English will be one of the languages in use in audio taped messages, VHS recordings and anonymous literature.<br />
<br />
"We are fed up with all the substandard Arabic translations proliferating Western newsrooms" said al-Awrang in a heavily accented but fluent English. "Though my critics might disagree but the truth is most Arab-Americans speak pathetic Arabic" added Awrang.<br />
<br />
Indeed most critics thought otherwise.<br />
<br />
According to the CIA insider by the handle Agent Zee, most interpreters are from outside the United States.<br />
<br />
"Omani Arabic, Yemeni Arabic, Saudi Arabic you name it, we've got it" said Agent Zee himself a born American of Arab heritage.<br />
<br />
"Am not sure it is in my place to say this but i have to say this is classic case of misplaced priorities on the part of al-Qaeda i mean, they should leave this translation job and it's inherent costs to us. We are perfectly capapble" added Zee.<br />
<br />
We submitted written questions to Awrang through his cave aids especially on the above point following the not so in the past report by the State Dept that the terror organization was facing difficult financial times.<br />
<br />
"This is not about money, it's about principle" responded Awrang."Every American deserves the right to accurate translations whether it's a 15minute speech or 5minute 'howdy do'.This is a serious matter which can affect the daily routine of millions and going by living history, affect some for the rest of their lives" added Awrang.<br />
<br />
Though al-Qaeda's concern sounds genuine and is a matter close to many a westerners heart as the first amendment analysts suspended this was a propaganda war between the two principals.<br />
<br />
"I see his as a push-pull scenario with the Federal government keen to show the people it is doing a good job of translating what the terrorists are saying while the terrorists are saying hey, wait a minute, that does not translate to IED, it's mini nuke." said Craig Parnsley senior fellow at Washington State, department of International Relations.<br />
<br />
"It's much like our foreign policy of winning hearts and minds and shocks and awe right back at us though most Americans would prefer the latter roosting some place else but home" concluded Parnsley.<br />
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<br />
<i>as of the time of reporting, archived clips like the one above were being voiced over for re-broadcasts. Pundits predict the move will revolutionalize the delivery of video taped messages</i><br />
<br />
Meanwhile, plans were underway to train fresh 'Linguistic Jihadists' initially majoring in American English then moving on to the less glamorous British and Australian English with successful candidates being awarded an international baccalaureate and TOEFL which will empower them to translate in any terror cell anywhere in the world.<br />
<br />
Presently, due to the cash crunch lessons are by correspondence only specifically Skype but the organization is aggressively recruiting teaching staff. <br />
<br />
"Naturalized or radicalized born citizens of Middle Eastern descent from English speaking countries are highly encouraged to apply while knowledge of regional accents is, mashallah, an added bonus" said a middle aged gentleman only known as Iqram.<br />
<br />
Iqram, as we later found out from our Someplace- In- The- Afghani- And- Pakistani -Border sources, a Somali with a tan, 6"2' sporting a stiff red ochred goatie was the appointed director of the programme. A former textile entrepreneur considered by his peers as a quick witted visionary.<br />
<br />
It was also revealed the decision to 'tape in the infidel's language' as it were was reached following a non scientific research by the 'QLJ' [Qaeda Loya Jirga-council of elders] which showed the anglophone market made up more than 95 per cent of all messages. The same sources confirmed the English tapes will retain their Arabic subtitles just to make it clear 'this is not a bluff".<br />
<br />
On a parting shot, we asked Iqram where he saw the programme and indeed the school five years from now.<br />
<br />
"Five years is a long time my friend. This is going to be an instant hit. First of all we are going to spell check the 'Al-qaidas', 'mutallabs' and 'mujaheedeens' and other ambiguities so as to come up with a standardised system. Then you will have to get used to..wait..am spoiling the fun. Just wait and see but my promise is after we are done with the recording, the results are going to be 'shockingly awesome' " concluded Iqram.<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-20344142172529728732010-04-28T05:38:00.000-07:002010-04-28T05:38:47.657-07:00Censoring Mohamed Episode Violates Equal Opportunity Offender Rule, Says Church In a classic 'U' turn change of mind the creators of the popular pint sized animated tv show South Park decided to sensor their 200th episode.<br />
<br />
This preceded an almost global outcry from Muslims following the depiction of Muhammad[saw] in a brown bear suit alongside making fun of other religious figures such as Jesus and Buddha who interestingly remained 'uncensored'.<br />
<br />
South Park fans and critics alike were astounded.<br />
<br />
But the duo who have come to cut themselves as immovable anything goes, foul mouthed non-conformists[at least on tv] comic geniuses who had vowed not to budge or buckle regardless of the amount of pressure or where it came from defended themselves by saying it was their network[Comedy Central]'s decision.<br />
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"This clearly is a blatant violation of the equal opportunity offender rule" said Das Cutchill a fan from the San Fernando area and regular church goer referring to the no holds barred offend-o-meter characteristics of the show.<br />
<br />
"The CC executives told us it would be a long shot to portray Mohamed speaking English and we argued back; so does Jesus but they said Jesus is alive!" said Stone.<br />
<br />
"That left us speechless and besides i think they had a point- the best satire should have just enough credibility to test your gullibility" added Trey.<br />
<br />
But moderate Muslim fans were not so convinced.<br />
<br />
"I believe the very real threat of a 'Van Gogh' on them dampened their sense of humor and rattled them for a while and am not talking about the Dutch artist here. I mean, who wouldn't . We've been having Ayaan[Hirsi] right here in Washington D.C, one of the most cosmopolitan cities in America but she is still afraid of people finding out where she lives" said Malik Hassan a DC area African American revert to Islam referring to what he said was a 'mild threat' against the two on an American Islamic website and also the anti-Islam Somali born former Dutch Parliamentarian and friend of Van Gogh Ayaan Hirsi Ali.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, South Park announced it will create a balaclava clad 'rag head' from now henceforth to depict whom Stone said would be a character known as Mehmet to make fun of a fast growing religion which is slowly blanketing all others.<br />
<br />
"I would prefer the name 'shit head' because of the blanketing and all you know what am saying. You see Mehmet, which was Trey's idea anyway almost rhymes with Mohamed and i don't wanna die" added Stone.<br />
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</script>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-79658659739962264072010-04-22T06:44:00.000-07:002010-04-22T07:17:37.238-07:00Next iPad Prototype Leaked, Found In Parking LotCUPERTINO,Ca- In what seemed to be a case of apparent carelessness on the part of an alleged Apple employee a next generation iPad was reported lost and eventually found- in a parking lot.<br />
<br />
A leading technology Weblog about consumer electronics reportedly bought the next iPad from a recently convicted DUI, verily piss drunk seventeen year old college kid sobering up before he could drive himself home.<br />
<br />
"I was wasted big time and my friend Jeff had taken a taxi after he could not find me either in the gents or the patio.So he left to report the matter at the local Sherri f department thinking, in a state of intoxication i must add i had been abducted by aliens" said Phil Daugherty the verily piss drunk seventeen year old sophomore.<br />
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<i>The leaked next generation iPad smartly disguised as the now generation iPad</i><br />
<br />
"Then alas! as i picked myself to pee on the nearest tree this black shiny thing caught my eye and i immediately realized i was standing in the presence of an Apple product" added Phil. <br />
<br />
Lost and found expert Sheriff Jorge Santori admitted there was a possibility of Phil's statement containing a number of truths and half-truths especially given Phil's 'verily piss drunk state' and wondered how the vaulted, tight lipped trade secret apparatus which is Apple security could turn up in a parking lot.<br />
<br />
" We are talking about major Men In Black security here.Those[Apple] guys don't just zap the memory of their costly products inventory you own but they also make a McZombie out of you" added the Sheriff.<br />
<br />
Apple lawyers meanwhile demanded their device back and consequently applied for a gag order preventing any further mentioning, discussion or talk of their next big thing by regular Americans and any other 'unauthorized parties' until after Steve Jobs unveils it officially some time in the near future turtle neck style with black screens and all.<br />
<br />
This did not prevent consumer gadgets conspiracy theorists from suspecting this was the 'iPad with wings' they've all been theorizing about after all there could only one way it could have got out of the lab through, maybe, an air conditioning duct under repair and land on Cabro in one piece, in a not so near parking lot.<br />
<br />
"Or worse still a window momentarily left open which i must is very irresponsible of the engineer involved" said Adratos Makropoulos, an authority tech naysayer in the Bay area in a shortwave radio interview on WKNDY.<br />
<br />
Efforts to reach the Apple CEO Steve Jobs hit a brick wall as an irritated Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer responded "iPad,iPod,iSlut,iShit i don't really care" when we asked for his opinion on the issue.<br />
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LONDON, United Kingdom-As the airline ash fiasco is easing up after a week of major grounding of Europe's airlines, the International Air Travel Association[IATA] is squarely pointing a [middle] finger at European aviation authorities.<br />
<br />
"It's a European mess. Lufthansa flight tests found not a single layer of ash on the fuselage or turbine blades. I wonder what the fuss was all about" said IATA boss Giovanni Bisignani in a press release.<br />
<br />
Critics have come in support of Bisignani especially regarding the UK's decision.<br />
<br />
"That Island was not even classified in the 'ash envelope' to begin with but they just decided to close their airspace" said Karl Duissberg a vacationist from Dusseldorf who was stranded at Heathrow.<br />
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This view was shared by Dan Koko a Nairobi Horticulturalist.<br />
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<br />
<i> The 'ash' which devastated air travel was reportedly seen as far away as the Kuril Islands</i><br />
<br />
<br />
"although our health minister was caught up in this madness forcing an extended stay in London i personally think flight should not be a priority for humans but perishables and commerce. I really sympathize with all the rotten Carnation" said Koko who speculated this had something to do with the forthcoming elections in Britain in a move by the Labour Party to show the electorate it cares.<br />
<br />
Under fire, the European Aviation Safety Agency[EASA] based in Cologne, Germany vigorously defended it's overkill overreactions saying the ash from the Eyjafjallokull Volcano [glacier] could have have been worse and might continue till 2011 eventually sinking Iceland at around December 2012.<br />
<br />
The agency issued a lengthy, detailed explanation that this might then be preceded by tsunamis which might be felt as far as Papua New Guinea, New Zealand and triggered by gigantic pyroclastic flows, as a result of the gravitational collapse of the eruption column which will melt all Ice in Iceland revealing the land <br />
then melting that too and sinking it, or sinking it first then melting it IF the planes had not been grounded.<br />
<br />
On Seeking clarification on the last part we got the response<br />
<br />
"It doesn't matter in whichever order really. What's important is eventually this might have led to Iceland being wiped off the face of the earth-without a trace." said Dr.Fritz Pfeiffer a Vulcanologist for the agency.<br />
<br />
<br />
He however hesitated to fully dismiss emerging reports that the latest Shuttle landing delays was caused by the presence of ash and Sulphur swept all the way to Kennedy Space Center airspace by the Polar jet streams thereby forcing Discovery to land at Cape Canaveral.<br />
<br />
" We have been having a lot of Sulphur dioxide and ash in our skies lately.This leads to a global increase in Sulphurous acid concentrations in high level Cirrus clouds. The resulting increase in cloud reflectivity would reflect more incoming sunlight than usual thus cooling the entire planet until the suspended sulphur falls to the ground as acid precipitaion" explained Dr. Fritz.<br />
<br />
" From there, it's a safe bet to place the blame on the weatherman after all NASA has more important things to do than scare the living daylights out of a perpetually terrified American Public." he added.<br />
<br />
Mission Control meteorologist were angry and offended by Fritz's insinuations but not as much as the British Minister of the Exchequer and his Netherlands counterpart following the Icelandic finance Minister's recent off the cuff remarks.<br />
<br />
The two countries which have been leading the push for Iceland to repay money owed to them were put off by the much cliched chain mail "you ask us for cash, we give you ash" right from the mouth of Arni M. Mathiesen after a press conference with Mathiesen sheepishly adding "we always know when the microphone is off".<br />
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<a href="http://www.ringsurf.com/">Powered By Ringsurf</a></div>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-8758436385337886072010-04-16T07:15:00.000-07:002010-04-17T06:28:01.215-07:00The Pope Faces A Day In CourtVATICAN CITY,Vatican- A leading Atheist Richard Dawkins has hinted on the possibility of suing the Pope on child abuse cover ups in the Catholic church when he was Cardinal. This revelation has not led to a proper response yet but as the Vatican ignores Dawkins and says it's a virtual impossibility, Catholics all over the world voiced their contempt.<br />
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"Isn't the Pope above the law? after all he is the Head of a State thus automatically qualifies for diplomatic immunity" said Kaitlin O'Hara a school teacher from the village of Aghalee, Northern Ireland.<br />
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Her friend Imma concurred but was not sure whether Vatican was a State. <br />
<br />
"Why do they call it Vatican City then when it's actually a State" said Immaculate"Imma" Sanders, Kaitlin's neighbour and a close friend.Kaitlin tried to explain it's actually both- a City State as Miss Sanders nodded her head repeatedly in the affirmative giving the impression they were on the same page.<br />
<br />
As the Vatican PR machine claimed this was a scheme by Atheists to make themselves relevant at the same time get back at their most vocal opponents level minded and liberal Catholics who overwhelmingly happen to be non-practicing Catholics admitted nobody is or should be above the law a point which was picked up by the former Archbishop of Zambia Emmanuel Milingo.<br />
<br />
"I told them way back this whole [celibacy] thing would go way out of hand but they didn't listen-now the law will be all over their asses" said Milingo to which an angry Vatican <i>Nuncio</i>[Ambassador] requesting anonymity quickly replied " It's impossible to prove anything and the law is an ass anyways".<br />
<br />
"and for the record, to paraphrase one of our foreign secretaries, it's the homosexuals who are Paedophiles" added the <i>Nuncio</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Indeed legal experts interviewed admitted the logistics will be daunting and it was very clear where the burden of proof lay.<br />
<br />
"Proving Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger and Pope Benedict XVI are one and the same guy,subpoena-ing individuals scattered across Europe then making sure they talk, for nothing, i mean if a potential witness can keep quite for something why talk for nothing" said Prof. Minsky Eidver Phd. a Criminal law authority at Boston State University.<br />
<br />
"This is a classic example of a prosecutorial assignment from hell.I'll pick it up as a case study for my class if ever you succeed-good luck" he added.<br />
<br />
Dawkin's lawyers advised maybe they should hope the Pope resigns out of 'collective shame and responsibility' or wait till he retires but they figured he'd be too old and probably sick by then to stand trial.<br />
<br />
"Sh*t!! it says here in the Papal law Canon 332, No.2 impeachment is a near impossibility and his office is for life-just the kicks we needed" said Ian Marsh lead counsel.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, as the legal team was considering preparing a formal indictment order for the Pope to the ICC, it is reported the Vatican's communications director was supposedly trying. in vain, to get in touch with the Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir.<br />
<br />
On questioning a spokesperson claimed "cases of this kind are subject to pontifical secret" but hinted it was a courtesy call in line with the Vatican policy of extending a hand to other religions.<br />
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"Field Marshal <b>Umar Hassan Ahmad al-BASHIR <span style="font-weight: normal;"> was</span><i style="font-weight: normal;"> </i><span style="font-weight: normal;">busy waiting out for the election results but we hope to get through before Sunday to discuss matters of mutual co-operation" he added.</span></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.ringsurf.com/">Powered By Ringsurf</a></div>Ellys GSM Security Solutionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18362857916852272631noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8527225249897715930.post-53164417334828232832010-03-26T05:37:00.000-07:002010-03-30T01:37:17.930-07:00Social Scientist Draws Parallels Between Makmende And Samsom As Makmende Continues to fascinate the imagination of many in the country, researchers at the University of Nairobi[UoN] have drawn parallels between the Urban legend and the Biblical Samson.<br />
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One overzealous scientists has gone thus far to theorize Makmende comes from the same bloodline as the Old testament divine Super-hero who once killed 1000 Philistines[ modern day Palestinians] with a donkey's jawbone which makes Makmende very likely a Kenyan of Jewish extraction.<br />
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"Look at it this way. They are both badasses never mind he is black. So are Ethiopian Jews." <br />
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"How else do you explain the long Afro and extraordinary Kung-fu. I dare him to cut it " said Dr. Mark Ochi lead researcher on Makmende at the Department of Social Sciences. <br />
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But Lineaologists at Campus dismissed Ochi's claims as pure imagination.<br />
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"Ochi is a talented Doctor with the gift of a powerful imagination. But he is the same guy who also hypothesized Esther Arunga must be devil possessed-to leave a good job and move to a church. As we know she is happily married now and possibly rich . If anything my personal opinion is she was possessed by the H-Ghost" said Philip a third year Theology student with a minor in Psychology at <b>Kenya Methodist University</b>[KeMU] and an aspiring Reverend.<br />
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"Jehova Jireh" he concluded.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S7CeLSkHauI/AAAAAAAAASM/UhRBJwMAzJQ/s1600/makmende.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S7CeLSkHauI/AAAAAAAAASM/UhRBJwMAzJQ/s320/makmende.jpg" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S7CeUF-V89I/AAAAAAAAASU/tv3P28oKXx8/s1600/SAMSON_AND_DALILA_1949.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S7CeUF-V89I/AAAAAAAAASU/tv3P28oKXx8/s320/SAMSON_AND_DALILA_1949.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<i>"And unlike Samson, Makmende hacheki na wasichana. Ana sura ya kazi.[Makmende does not laugh with girls and has a working face]" said Phillip the Theology Senior.</i><br />
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As soon as he hit the news and the Kenyan blogosphere was all over this 'Mc-Ossum' superheroes superhero, Newsync reporters instinctively sprang into action to find out more and it turns out we discovered more than we bargained for and in the next couple of posts we will let you in about our exclusive investigative scoops.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S6y6eeg9RdI/AAAAAAAAASE/X1WoDUKg2j0/s1600/New+Picture+%281%29.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S6y6eeg9RdI/AAAAAAAAASE/X1WoDUKg2j0/s320/New+Picture+%281%29.bmp" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S6y5KFRqJWI/AAAAAAAAAR8/pFItUzmBAyI/s1600/New+Picture.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S6y5KFRqJWI/AAAAAAAAAR8/pFItUzmBAyI/s320/New+Picture.bmp" /></a></div><br />
<i>MakCucaracha as they call him in Spain is a global hit. In the DC area, he's simply MakRoach. The Republicans call him 'MakCrotch' which is still a compliment to the Lothario Super-super hero. </i><br />
<br />
It is revealed Makmende owns a fake diploma website apart from his official one. Diploma Xpress with an estimated market value of USD 1620.6 is a perfectly legal venture specialising in producing authentic looking certificates from any institution of higher learning in the world except a few countries like Somalia, Iraq, Afghanistan and the North and South poles-for obvious reasons.<br />
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In a recent interview Jo-el [no relation], Co-founder/owner of the 400+ member strong anti-Makmende Facebook group at the time of reporting, said "Makmende should be ashamed of himself" for dealing in such un-honourable business activities.<br />
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"This only goes to confirm what we thought all along. This guy is actually a fake-just like the certificates he produces" added Jo-el.<br />
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Dmitri"Yevgeny Kaspersky" the other Co-founder/owner of the same group, and a Kenyan of Russian heritage, said we should all be careful as this "Makend* guy" as he put it is actually a bug, a computer virus out to infectmost computers.<br />
<br />
"Those without Kaspersky anti virus of course" he added, tongue firmly in cheek.<br />
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Another 3 member strong anti-Makmende group owner who refused to identify himself for fear of embarrassing himself in public said Dimitri stole the 'bug idea' from his group's badge.<br />
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"As you can see from my page, my download is the photo of a motherboard and a real live bug atop" that's what they stole from me.<br />
<br />
The Anti Anti-Makmende group members who are..in simple language pro-Makmende at the<br />
moment described those anti-Mak group members as losers who should get a life-and a Superhero. One even mockingly suggested a merger of the different Anti-mak groups popping up by the minute with members ranging from 1 to 3.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S7ChfcPxtaI/AAAAAAAAASc/_aZDzwcz3kM/s1600/Obama-superman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S7ChfcPxtaI/AAAAAAAAASc/_aZDzwcz3kM/s320/Obama-superman.jpg" /></a></div>Meanwhile in other news, Makmende is credited with the surefire passage of President Obama's Healthcare reform bill which became was a done deal today.<br />
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"Am not sure how he did it but this 'Makmender' guy sure knows how to fix the republicans.He is my homeboy-a brotha from another coun..my fatherland" said Obama stumbling on his teleprompter.<br />
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It is later revealed Obama dropped Superman as his chief Middle East adviser for a yet to be identified Super-Superhero. <br />
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©2010 newsync<br />
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With a stroke of His Mighty first finger the Almighty scribbled the the word "NO" in Hebrew-the preferred lingua franca<i>-</i> on His iPad and handed it over to the <i>Seraphim</i> to present to the three Principals while He oversaw other important stuff.<br />
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" I don't understand why God does not want to sell the earth while it is clear in the Holy book he uses it as his footstool" said Buffet.<br />
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"It just does not make good business sense" added the investor.<br />
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Carlos Slim who wanted the Father to explain his decision was swiftly rebuked by the heavenly delegation.<br />
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"Thy Lord does not have to explain anything to anyone especially thee heathen mortals" said one hawkish <i>Seraph.</i><br />
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As they<i> </i>were being ushered to their ski lift up the Aspen heights, Apinitae a <i>Cherub</i> politely explained the Lord is usually busy passing over the skies during this time of year, you know supervising the seas, season transitions, middle east peace.<br />
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"It's <i>Passover</i> time" added Apinitae. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S6Cf3a8uhlI/AAAAAAAAAR0/GRMlXVUbBKA/s1600-h/carlos-slim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_GypeOonq-Jo/S6Cf3a8uhlI/AAAAAAAAAR0/GRMlXVUbBKA/s320/carlos-slim.jpg" /></a></div> <i> "don't be naive, money can buy anything as long as the price is right" said Carlos</i><br />
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Back at home, Atheist sources speculated Slim had parted with a few billion <i>Pesos</i> in mobile handsets and equipment, air time[talk minutes] and HDTV sets to avoid being beaten up by the Seraphs. In a tv interview Gates said he could not recall such incident while Slim defended himself by saying the last time he checked with his money men he was still no. 1.<br />
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In a separate interview, Buffet chose not to comment on the issue only saying "Justice[U.S Department of Justice] fined my friend Gates a billion dollars way back. But half of it was in free windows software to schools".<br />
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"It's obvious Helu is doing fine, that's what i call good ROI[Return On Investment]" added Buffet. <br />
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Economists describe land as a natural resource which cannot be created but easily destroyed. Demand for it has been rising with the rising human population thus making it an attractive investment option compared to say, stocks.<br />
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The worlds 20percent rich own 80percent of it anyway.<br />
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Scholars speculated God refused to sell out because it was feared America Movil, Slims company had plans to sell air time -that is the air we breath- charged per minute; per second billing.<br />
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Business strategy advisors at the company denied the claims as impractical but admitted it was in consideration only as a very last resort.<br />
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Doomsday theorists believed Gates being 'The One' was a major factor in the Almighty's final decision.<br />
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This is not the first time the Almighty, All knowing, Richest of them all has declined selling out. Sergey[Brin] and Larry[Page] of Google unilaterally bid for the earth through their Google Earth project in Aug. 2007 but God refused-again, no explanation given.<br />
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"They told us the earth was not for sale" said Brin.<br />
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However, they had to settle to taking photographs of the earth from space and at street level which is still the case to date-which was granted free of charge.<br />
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Sensing heaven would not let up, the billionaire's brilliant legal team perused the Bible for scriptural loopholes to exploit.<br />
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"It says here in Matthew chapter 4 verses 8 to 9 Satan took him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed him the nations of the world and all their glory. 'I'll give it all to you' he said 'if only you kneel down and worship me" said lead counsel Jotham Squint.<br />
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"Satan was foolish for fighting God's Government-you can't fight City Hall-but the 'Prince of this world' knows better now than to offer something which, so to speak, was not given to him" said Squint.<br />
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So the decision was made to negotiate with Lucifer and a grinning Gates was unanimously votedf chief negotiator.<br />
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"The earth might be God's but the world is Lucifer's" so they argued.<br />
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Lead critics <b>Friends Of The Earth International </b>and supporters of the billionaire's clashed on many issues but on this proposed new deal they agreed on one thing which was reiterated from unexpected quarters.<br />
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"Whatever they do i hope they will be careful when dealing with the Devil" said Bernard Maddof, in pink pants, forlorn and appearing apologetic as he moved back to his bunker clutching a back edition of <i>Fortune </i>magazine.<br />
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Bill Gates was on the defence, again, fighting emerging reports claiming Satan had already sold him the world in a secret deal in 1995.<br />
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Meanwhile, Buffet still couldn't get it. "Earthquakes, pestilence, global warming, pollution, desertification. God's decision making process and criteria sure is mysterious" said Buffet believing he could do a getter job of turning the earth around-to profitability.<br />
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©2010 newsync <br />
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