Saturday, 31 July 2010

Wyclef For President

SADDLE RIVER,New Jersey-  The  world famous recording Artiste/Producer Wyclef  Jean has given hint's he will be running for the November Haitian elections as President.

Though no official announcement has been made by Mr. Jean himself-yet- he has already presented his fingerprints, in person, to the concerned authorities in Haiti and has until August 7th 2010 to register as a candidate.

This announcement naturally has sparked off optimism in the heaven forsaken island plagued by corruption, incompetence but unlike it's parent  continent Africa, prone to hurricanes and earthquakes.

Most Haitians believe Jean is the man to effect this much  needed systemic change but local  critics described him as an "Oreo" - black on the outside and white on the inside- a charge his publicist refused to comment on.

" It's a shame they are blind to the wonderful work Wyclef has done through his Yele Haiti foundation. That should give them a good idea of the compassionate, responsible and actually black man from America they are dealing with here" said Prakazrel "Pras" Michel, Wyclef's cousin, himself an Artiste and firmly in support of his quest to change his home country.

Nevertheless pundits opined Wyclef has no experience in foreign policy or any form of elective politics in that matter and cannot be relied on or rely on his humanitarian activities to make up for everything.

"We understand he's got charisma;he sure knows how to work the crowds, and an open heart but one thing, [in my opinion] they are conveniently leaving out is the not so open books of his organization" said Kirk Whitherkill a political analyst for Fox News referring to financial misappropriations concerning Yele Haiti which made Wyclef Jean cry during an interview explaining he had never channeled any aid money inappropriately  for his personal use.

In other news, his uncle Raymond Joseph who also happens to be Haiti's Ambassador to America announced he will be running for the same post leaving Wyclef's other cousins( apart from "Pras") with a tough familial decision.

"I believe they can reach agreement and  Ray can be his running mate. What i want my baby to know is that in case  it get's too hot in  the kitchen or gawdforbid another major tremblor strikes during his watch, he's always welcome back home" said his mother.

Meanwhile in other quarters, the Tea Party Movement de-facto leader Sarah Palin  said she was happy for Wyclef and the people of Haiti  but would have been much happier if Obama had discovered and considered  that route- earlier.


Friday, 30 July 2010

The Sun Also Sets- In Catalonia

 CATALONIA,Spain-A vote banning Bull fighting in the Spanish autonomous town of  Catalonia has sparked outrage  from lovers of Ernest Hemingway's 1926 novel  The Sun Also Rises.

"This  is a clear upfront of an American hero" said Debbie Applegate of Bedford Park, Illinois and chairperson of the acclaimed novelists fun club, a remark quickly dismissed by a PETA[People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals] rep. Illinois chapter as a cheap shot.

 "First of all, what Ms. Applegate is defending contravenes all statements in our slogan; animals are not ours to eat, wear, experiment on, or use for entertainment. Second with their backing for paper backs, that club should be more worried about the TreeHuggers bull shit up their [expletive]" said Ann Thorpe on behalf of PETA.

         Michelle Odhiambo(above) and an un-identified PETA lettuce mermaid

Many people and friends of the  Kingdom of Spain supported  the Catalon community's move with the Netherland's Queen Beatrix hailing the Parliamentary decision as a victory towards animal rights but political pundits debated this could be about more than just abolishing Bull fighting.

" I have this nagging feeling the Catalons don't like the Spanish people much. Their culture and language and... but hey, don't treat this seriously it's just a hunch" said Jorge Alejo.

Meanwhile, in related news Michelle Odhiambo, a Ms. Lettuce and Vegetarian for the last 8 years  from Kenya  has acknowledged receiving " we will eat you" and  "i know friends who have eaten you" sms's from her newly launched campaign to ban Bull and Cock fighting practices prominent in Western Kenya communities.

" I was inspired by the Catalonians to start this new campaign after my previous Lettuce costume got a lot of media attention. But these recent threats have forced me and my team to reconsider approach" said the U.S. educated  Ms. Odhiambo denying any suggestions she was chickening out of anything.

Kenyan police are investigating the matter.

 The Bull Running committee for the San Fermin  Fiesta refused to comment on the matter since they were busy preparing and planning for the 2011 but issued a statement instead.

"Following the unfortunate turn of events we should expect an unusually large pouring of spectators to Pamplona. As you can see, this will present a logistical nightmare for us but this also means the signs look good as long as the future of Bullfighting in Spain is concerned ".