Study On Effects Of Second-Hand Smoke On Smokers Out

  BEYROUTH,  Liban[Lebanon]-  A new study by the Center for Waterpipe Smoking in Beirut has just concluded a study on the effects of secondary smoke on fellow smokers standing nearby, smoking.

Initially it was mocked and seen as a slap on the face of the generally known studies which investigated the effects of secondary smoke on non-smokers but the non-profit's director Dr. Faizal Kassim Baltasar explained the main aim was to explore an important  niche most often ignored.

" from WHO to the FDA[US Food and Drug Administration] everybody was talking about how secondary smoke was dangerous on non-smokers as it contained more than 4000 different harmful chemicals. But what about  the smokers inhaling this second smoke aren't they getting a double lethal dose and who was fighting for them" said Dr. Baltasar.

" If you want to smoke yourself to death at least leave your fellow smokers out of it" added Baltasar.

 
a comic book inspired 'one-at-a-time' proposals like the one above were hailed as the perfect solution by the Syrian Government since it solved the dilemma of the non-smoking taxpayer by charging the user. Ignore the print in red.

The study which showed smokers were at a higher risk of dying from  smoke of other smokers standing nearby, say, in public designated smoking areas, than non-smokers recommended  private single individual designated smoking areas like those in some European airports/public transit stations.

"We understand it's going to burn a hole in the taxpayers pocket but health first" said an anonymous sympathizer.

Most institutions were  not amused with some like the Americans for Non-smokers' Rights  saying an organization in  a country like Syria which just banned smoking the other day had no moral right.

"They just signed the law on 21st April 2010, small wonder they are still nostalgic about the smoker and now they are telling us to give health priorities to second-hand smoke smokers. I bet  Dr. Baltasar is  a closet smoker himself" said Dr. Jeff Brigg  director of communications for ANR.

Baltasar dismissed his statement as professional jealousies.

"My friend Jeff is forgetting we are the first Arab nation to ban smoking including the Narghile[waterpipe] in public areas in a country and region with a cultural history of smoking anything from Poppy to Camel shit. And now that we are the first to come up with this breakthrough study while they were smoking pot, and we are not American, well,i think Dr. Frankenstein is green with envy" said Baltasar.

 As of the time of press, the Americans for Non-smokers' Rights organization announced it was embarking on research to study the effects of second-hand smoke on the individual smoker, so just we may  know.

 NB: our French born/American-Israeli writer was barred entry to Syria. They suspected  he was an Israeli spy

Eneza

9/11 Hijackers Doing Just Fine, So They Say. Except One. Had A Bad Stomach

NEW YORK, New York- Nine years after 9/11, beneath ground zero sources have confirmed  all 19 hijackers were doing just fine except for Nawaq al-Hamzi one of the flight 77 hijackers which had crashed on the pentagon.

In a "Situation Room" like setting the 19 perpetrators of the worst  terror so far in American history allowed for a short, unedited interview sharing their thoughts and what they could have done different.

"He's having a serious bout of diarrhoea, i think it's the Tofu. Cuisine can be quite unpredictable in here" said Salem al-Hamzi a colleague and one of the 19 referring to his absent comrade.

Quickly veering away from matters of food the twenty something Salem said he had no regrets whatsoever and given another chance he wouldn't think twice about crashing a jumbo jet into an American establishment.

"Talking of Jumbo jets, i heard they got a Super-jumbo out. Too bad it's made in Europe" added Salem whereby Atta jumped in and  said that might not be so bad.

"Of course  you cannot equate the evilness of the E.U. to the U.S. but  with recent intelligence reports am getting from France, our rather erstwhile ally, i think rattling them a bit will bring them back to their senses and surrender in their anti burqa and hijab war" said Atta.

"A bomb scare on an A380 will do just fine in reminding them who's [still] boss in solid ground and the hereafter" concluded Atta.

Stressing to them that they were now in the afterlife and were powerless against beings above was interrupted by  an unexpected tongue lashing.

                         recommended read for most still haunted by those goons

"....point of correction. First of all who said we are below ground. Is Jannah[Paradise] below ground? Is that what your book says? Second of all where did you get the crazy idea our remains might be somewhere in a Manhattan dump site"  said  a foaming Satam al-Suqami of flight 11 during a flare up which caught me by surprise because i had not come to  that subject- yet.

After some calming down  by the others to forgive my  ignorance the hijackers admitted it gets lonely sometimes in Paradise.

"I miss home. If only they made the Khubz[Pita] just like my mama did i wouldn't be complaining. Neither would  Nawaq have to take those Tofus. He himself had no idea he was Soy[a] intolerant" said Salem.

This led me to inquire whether we could speak to the chief chef and what he had to say for himself but my request was flatly refused leaving me to suspect if indeed this interview was taking place in Heaven.

The room fell dead silent for a while and it seemed my next unscripted question was  unexpected when i inquired about, you know, the biggest and most interesting prize-the 72 virgins.

Mohammed Atta  finally broke the  silence  by  saying they are not free to discuss their sex lives with strangers but conceded babies, lots of them are there and  many others on their way at different stages after which everybody else  slowly filed out of the room, up a flight of quartzite stairs wearing contemptuous looks obviously fed up with either me, 'Heaven' or both.

That's the moment i snapped off my dream. I never had the time to snoop around to confirm if indeed i had actually had a glimpse of Paradise; or not.

There  is still a good chance the Boyz and Men might be doing just fine after all.

Eneza

Toyota Probox Chosen New Official Somali Wagon Of Choice

 EASTLEIGH, Nairobi- It's now official. The Easleigh council of elders[ Guurt Izili] a board mainly made up of Septogenarian[seventy somethings] Kenyan Somali businessmen has  unanimously passed a resolution declaring the Toyota Probox the official commercial use station wagon  in that region.

The Probox replaces the Toyota L-touring and it's sister wagon the G-touring which have faithfully and reliably served the region as the ultimate commercial wagons since 1996.

a picture of the wagon of choice with the right colour on one of  the  pamphlets to be distributed to all across Eastleigh

"Before that am not sure what was the official wagon but what am sure of is i really am going to miss my   Petrol engine, 1498cc, 262,900 km,Automatic baby " said an emotional Abdishukri Welli aka Abdi Warabe wiping a tear off his eye as he traded in his L-Touring at the Walay autos for a Probox to beat the August 31st deadline.

"It was like a member of the family" he added.

Indeed most Somalis treat their  station wagons as a  member of the family just like a pet lover does which presents  problems for the elders.

"Most families don't want to let go" said Dawood  one of the elders.

" But we understand that's why we allowed them to spend as much reasonable time as possible to say goodbyes before ushering in the new era of Proboxes.We are also carrying out free counseling sessions to make them understand change is the only constant in this life" added Dawood.

What about those who don't want to let go at all especially those who just bought their first L or G touring recently- Dawood admit there is little they can do about that but strongly believed peer pressure from business associates, family members, Imams and clan  will eventually carry the day.

"The Kenyan Somali is a civilised lot. We understand ours is a tightly knit community which places high value on family. Instead of brute force and unnecessary fines we are tapping into that soft power to eventually achieve our goals" explained an optimistic Dawood.

As of press time, Dawood had already acquired his brand new snow white KBM  Probox as a good example for others to follow suit.

" The preffered colour is white specifically to match with our robes during Friday Prayers but i understand we Somalis are so religious we wear robes seven days a week and because we also have a keen eye for Islamic fashion. They come in different colours from Islamic green to Kaaba black. So i believe the verdict is out" said Dawood addressing a press conference of local journalists outside the Sheikh Yusuf Masjid 7th street.

Though critics admit the Probox has slightly more trunk space, improved technology and more or less the same maneuverability as it's predecessors the L and G  series of wagons, it has no curves.

"it looks like bread" said Ali Sugow Dhahir a restaurant owner.

At the moment the directive only applies to the Somali community which are a majority in Eastleigh since as they put it "the council respects and recognises the freedoms  and  liberties of other communities in the area" but elders would like to see it apply to everyone without necessarily violating their freedoms.

The Guurt Izili is considering passing another resolution boycotting transportation services from non-Somalis without a non-compliant station wagon.

 Eneza

Lies For Sex Illegal In New Constitution, Says FIDA, Inspired By Israeli Laws

 EAST JERUSALEM, Israel- An Israeli Arab dude called 'Dudu' who allegedly 'raped' an Israeli woman only identified as Maya has appealed  his sentence.

Kashur, 30 a resident of East Jerusalem and whom Israeli and Arab friends  call Dudu a common Isareli name lied to a  woman two years ago. 10yrs her junior, Dudu said he was single[indeed he was married with two kids], was looking for a serious relationship [obviously not] and 100 per cent Jewish [implied by his nickname].

The lady was impressed and within 15minutes of their meet they had done it. Sabbar Kashur took her number which was and the natural, gentlemanly and ok thing to do.  what's not ok is she called her- two years later and that's where the trouble started.

As of the time of press, his 18 month sentenced had been commuted to house arrest pending the appeal hearing, with an electronic RFID thingy to monitor his movements.

 following ill advice from his Arab-American  friends,  'Dudu's' [which is a  nickname for David] pleas of  "I never played 'sax' with that woman"  didn't fool the Israeli police


In other news, an African migrant  male worker  in the Saudi Kingdom was arrested for accompanying a female who was neither his sister, wife, a female relative and obviously not her mother to a parking lot.

On further questioning he admitted he was not an adult  adoptee either.

This followed a week  after an  Arab spy for the Israelis  was nearly stoned to death for having sex with an Arab whore before being rescued by The Saudi general intelligence, Al  Mukhabarat Al A'amah  officers who needed to extract information from him.

Back in Jerusalem, the  International  Association of Jewish Public Service Employees[IAJPSE] was organising a workshop for the City's company's  senior management  regarding the tough Jewish laws regarding boss/secretary relations.

Also reminding them, though unknown to many, it is still illegal for a boss to sleep with her secretary under no circumstance; consensually or otherwise drawing attention to the organisation's 6pillars of Integrity,Allegiance, Judaica, Professionalism, Service and Ethics[IAJPSE].

"And if you are rich and have done it already you should  be crossing your fingers for the next ten years because that's the time period  such a complaint is null and void" added Schlomo Chaim a  civil Attorney  addressing the mostly male participants.

Closer to home the non-profit NGO Federation of Women Lawyers[FIDA] Kenya supported the verdict on Sabbar  Kashur and  promised it's clients, mainly female victims of domestic violence of brand new harsher laws in the  works.

To attract the younger generation 'Y' female crowd, FIDA promised to lobby for the enactment of laws making it illegal for men to lie to women not only for sex but other matters of great importance and concern like their income,age, height, where they live, which car they drive, past relationships and if she is the only one in his life.

"Following the passage of the referendum vote for the new constitution which guarantees  land ownership for women among other rights i think we are covering  good ground" said Fida gender co-ordinator Miss  Magdaline K.

 Eneza