Friday, 23 October 2009

stepping down, stepping up, stepping out- stooping low!!

“ Am not king-making anybody but want to make a difference in the management of public affairs in this country. I will go the whole hog because to pull out would be political suicide”

DN Oct. 3rd 2007

I will step down for anyone, Kalonzo vows. ...finally realizes doing so would be political salvation.

Nairobi, Kenya

In a surprising change of mind, ODM-K flag bearer Kalonzo Musyoka vowed, yesterday to step down and support any of the remaining aspirants provided his 'demands' and 'conditions' are appropriately and unconditionally met thus effectively ending media speculation on whether he'd step down or soldier on.

The statement comes a few days after it was reported ( in a local daily) that he had vowed not to step down for anyone. The announcement drew mixed reactions from the ODM-K quarters, “ I want my money back” cried Mwendwa Kilonzi a councillor aspirant from Kathonzweni clearly irritated by the decision.

“ I think he has (finally) made a smart choice. Frankly, we all quietly knew he stood no chance at the presidency but kept it to ourselves. But somebody had to explain this ti him even if it meant breaking his heart, and thank gawd somebody did” said Philomena Kalekye, the party's Organizing Secretary

“ and in good time too” she added.

“After lots of soul searching, I decided it's not bad to be a king-maker. And lets be honest here my brothers and sisters, everybody knows I lost my lucky pair of horse shoes” said Kalonzo, “ to make matters worse, I sprained my Achilles tendon while practicing at the Ngong Racecourse a few days back. I couldn't compete!” he added.

“ At first I was angry, i couldn't believe it. After all the committee meetings, lobbying, fund raiser lunches and party nominations, the guy just wakes up in the morning and decides, hey, am out. He should have at least consulted” said Maanzo, the party chairman, who had to learn through a radio address like everybody else.

“But after a short while, my anger was replaced by admiration for the man, as he explained to me how he had already lost the race since he lost his pair of fetishes, sustained (minor) injuries and other related excuses” added Maanzo.

“It takes a real (incompetent) horse to pull out of a (really) tight race. He should be commended for that, not condemned” he concluded.

Meanwhile, NewsYnc obtained a photocopy of a sample of the original 500 pages booklet of the 'demands' and 'conditions' before making a king of any 'horse'.


I hon..I mean 'horse' Kalonzo Musyoka, as the new king-maker, hereby put down in writing my 'demands' before making a king out of any 'horse'

(part of it)

Chapter 24 of article 6a, & b and 7 and 8

6)Power sharing government whereby the presidency will be shared between I and the king. Viable model(at least in theory) as follows.

a) Joint Presidency- whereby the country will have two presidents ruling side by side in perfect peace and harmony-hopefully.

b) Rotating Presidency- Each gets a turn to run the country for a period of six months after which hands over 'Responsibility' amicably, to the other. The keyword here is Responsibility not power. Power corrupts, and extremely hard to hand over. Modus inspired by the EU.

7) 100% of the national cake to be eaten up by Eastern province, alone. While the CBK (Central Bakery of Kenya will be obliged to bake another (separate) national cake to be distributed countrywide. My team speculated the CBK governor will have to ship another heavy duty oven from China.

8) 'Endangered species act' to be reviewed to include the Dik Dik, the Akamba handicraft and the (Akamba) people at large, so as to propagate their progeny and accord them affirmative license.

The 500 page 'booklet' was distribute to the other 'horses' in their respective tribal tongues.

“This is ridiculous” protested Raila. “political blackmail am telling you, I was a king-maker once remember but I only asked for 'Understanding' through an office 'Memo' that's it! Not some 500 page mumbo jumbo” he added.

Kibaki, the other prefered a hands-off approach and didn't even touch the 'booklet' instead requested a pod cast so he could keep informed while teeing off.

Paul Pattni complained the Gujarati translation was so poor he couldn't make meaning out of anything but, it seemed like...well...nobody really cared.

“Which 'booklet' what is it about, Ati kalonzo steps down? from where” an out of touch (and confused) Muiru was quoted soliciting answers from his (even more confused) congregation.

The 'King-Making Conundrum

The king-making concept is not new in Kenyan politics. In fact, it can be traced back to the founding fathers era whereby, according to legend, in just a few strokes of the pen, Railas father made the first 'king'.

He just had to sign a few papers, drafted by the imperalists requesting his assent and voila! A king was made, without a ballot being cast. How convenient.

History repeats itself and in just under three and a half decades, Raila himself, the immediate king-maker turned king-wannabe, As-In-Has-To-Be-Just-Has-To, had to say 'Kibaki tosha' and what followed was just electoral protocol to confirm the 'king-made'.

King-making is a lousy job as both father and son realized sooner rather than later.

“You can't take a king's word as a promise anymore even when put down on paper or office 'memo” Raila was qouted at a past function. “It's been the family business for the second generation now and I won't let it trickle down to the third. It has benefited us nothing but unfulfilled ambitions and broken promises” said Raila at Uhuru Park during ODM's official pesidential campaign launch on Ocotober 7th 2007.

“After much consultation and consideration, we as ODM, promise to meet Kalonzo's demands if he works with us” said Anyang' Nyong'o after a Pentagon meeting at Orange house, two days after Kalonzo's announcement.

P.S.: didn't know things would turn out the way they did at the time of writing so i decided to dedicate this piece to all the affected, by the senseless violence especially those who lost loved ones. C'mon guys, People Power,let's make an ass of all those stupid politicians and inciters.

"I do not pretend to understand the moral universe; the arc is a long one… And from what I see I am sure it bends toward justice”- Theodore Parker (Aug. 24 1810- May 10, 1860)

Copyright©2007 newsync

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

...two Kenyans get married he!he!he, so what's the big deal

Two consenting Kenyan adults got married in an undisclosed Lon...sorry.. location on 18th Oct...Oooops.
In a private invitation only, no Media [except us of course] occasion, attended by [guess a number] people the couple who requested their names not to be published and only gave their combined age as 79 appeared in high spirits and uncalloused by all the attention they were getting back home and on facebook and....
The news sent shock waves across their motherland as citizens grappled with the realisation of their magical country losing it's abracadabral allure to not only visitors who wish to say 'i do' , but locals too. Where did we go wrong? Many wondered.
“It's madness if you ask me,” said Willy Obongo a cane farmer in western Kenya. “Isn't it that there are not enough churches in Kenya that you have to have a wedding abroad”
But more shocked than anybody else were the mystery couple themselves “ it's not like we are the first people in the world to get married duh!” said couple number two
“and if anybody's against this union then let him speak up now or forever shut that hole in his face and while at it, shove his skinny schlong down his butthole” added a furious number one.
Talk of the wrath of a couple scorned.
Nevertheless,in a random vox populi study conducted by a local daily 75pc of the people said they would have voted against the couple going out to begin with, referendum style- Kenya is a democracy after all. 10pc want them home for a 'bridal shower' and 'baptism by fire by the Holy ghost himself' 2 percent are not sure what to do with them while the rest want the head of the immigration officer who issued them passports in the first place- heads must roll!! but a silent minority who never took part in the study out of mortal fear called for respect, restraint and understanding. “we are all children of God and we should....” said nameless before he took off at great speed on noticing a mean looking mob headed his way. around 11:00hrs GMT [14:00hrs local time] they were announced 'Chuck and Larry'- no kidding!!
Copyright©2009 newsync Kenyan Blogs Webring Member

Monday, 19 October 2009

... If Only They Could Hold Those Damn Elections NOW!!

Raila is the Man to beat, new poll shows

DN Oct. 18 2009

A new poll conducted in Kenya, a country of 35million plus people and floor area of 224,080 sq. miles, roughly the size of Texas [short 44,740 sq. miles] in Africa showed the country's Prime Minister Raila Amollo Odinga 64, would be President, again, if the elections were held as of...well..right now.

This revelation came as a pleasant surprise for the Luo people 85pc of whom consider the Prime Minister their Moses who will lead them from their vicious cycle of poverty to the land of milk and honey and maybe fish, someday.

But for Nairobi Lawyer Kimotho Waiganjo along with a section of other political commentators making up roughly 46pc of the Kenyan political commentator community contend they were not surprised at all by the PM's perfomance.

“I believe I speak for many regular political commentators when i say i saw this coming a mile away” said Waiganjo “ and if the PM intends to keep his steam Locomotive rolling, he's got to pay good attention to the numbers- 46 read backwards is 64 and numbers don't lie” he added.

According to Steadman, now Synovate, a popular polling company in Kenya only comparable to Gallup, Raila came tops with 31 percentage points with his closest rival Mr. Kalonzo Musyoka 56 closing in at 14pc a respectable 17pecentage points difference and a cool improvement from the 'Mr. 8 percent' about the same time last year and [President] Mwai Kibaki 78 coming last at 5pc but supporters say it's mainly because he played fair this time giving credence to the saying doing rounds among African head of states “honest Presidents finish last”.

Though visibly impressed by the poll results and thanking the polling people for a job well done, the PM couldn't hide his disappointment for not hitting his personal target.

“I don't mean to sound ungrateful to the poll participants but am positive if the polling company employees, their families and close relations were allowed to participate am as sure as 2 by 2 is 4 i'd make my 50 plus one” said Raila with his former spokesperson Salim Lone nodding vigorously in agreement.

Meanwhile, the other contenders for the Pollsters Pie namely William Ruto, Martha Karua and Uhuru Kenyatta managed to garner 25 percentage points [to be shared] amongst themselves. “am still new in this Presidential stuff” said Martha Karua a former Justice and Constitutional affairs Ministress in Kibaki's Government of National (dis)Unity.“as you can all see the reasons are plain, am a plain Jane so i can't complain” She added.

“ Raila graduated with a 'Diplom Degree' in Mechanical Engineering from East Germany so he must be interested in numbers” figured City Lawyer-cum-Political Commentator Waiganjo.

“ if you subtract his year of birth 1945 AD from our last election year 2007AD you get 62, only 2 yrs shy of his present age and [almost] 2yrs away to the next [general] election year- the stars are aligned”

Waiganjo denied any claims he'd been consulting cheap Numerologists

Copyright© 2009 newsync
Kenyan Blogs Webring Member

al-Qaeda faces funding crisis: US Treasury

In a surprising twist of happenings but sort of predictable, Newsync is proud to report secondhand that al-Qaeda is broke. According to Newsync who according to BBC who according to Senior Treasury official David Cohen, al-Qaeda has made several un-ashamed appeals from well wishers to finance recruitment and training of personnel, purchase of mission critical equipment like suicide jackets to accessories like a nice clean robe, Jambiyyas(daggers), Pesh kabz and Barongs.
“Kandahar may be a long way away from WallStreet and it's hard to imagine that when America sneezes, Afghanistan catches the sniffles” said Ustad(Master) Nasrudin a religious teacher and al-Qaeda sympathizer at Madrassatul Hamza on the outskirts of the city. “ but that is exactly what is happening, the financial crisis is finally hitting our proud Organisations” he added.
Indeed the financial crisis has not only hit al-Qaeda hard but it has shaken it's once strong financial pillars to it's very foundations leaving them as steady and stable as the Stonehenge, and rattled once confident Mullahs reducing them to “aggressive panhandlers” which according to Wikipedia means begging for a donation in a supplicating albeit intimidating and/or intrusive manner.

With the remaining charities operating abroad facing closure and the last of their assets tracked down and frozen by the Obama administration, the noose is clearly tightening on al-Qaeda just as former President Bush predicted.

“When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose” seems to be the attitude of the general members as they weather the storm of this man made financial turbulence.But as day turns into night, there is the constant fear of someone being rendered redundant, therefore jobless and as a result homeless.
“If things keep going the way they are, and no green shoots of recovery sprout out of this dusty, sun-baked, heaven-forsaken terrain of the Mazar-e-Sharif any time soon, I swear by my great-grandfather's Faizullah-Ul-Haq grave am going to start an ice-cream business to support my family” said Ahmet al-Faizul a third generation Afghan-Turk.

“ The Banks may kick me out of my cave but never will I allow them to foreclose the family tent.” he added.
And such is the hidden desperation faced by many but mentioned by the few and outspoken like Ahmet.

On the contrary, another terrorist Organisation, the Taliban of Afghanistan which only came a distant second [at most] compared to al-Qaeda in terms of liquidity,fiscal policy, human resource management and general running of terrorism affairs and was generally considered a regional outfit is doing better than just okay; in fact it is [actually] thriving in the worst recession ever since the Soviet invasion in the '80's.

This, said Shaikh Abu Nizamuddin Zakariya, Second in Command, is attributable to the shrewd extortionist tactics against legitimate businesses in form of 'protection money' domestic tax from the sale of Poppy, the country's leading cash crop and many other traditional income generating channels such as charities, donations and 'corporate taxes' on kidnappings and Russian gun and tank runners.

“of course it will be unfair not to mention the great wisdom of our leaders like Mullah Abdul Jabar, Mullah Abdul Matin,Mullah Dadullah to mention but three and am not telling who is alive or dead ha!gotcha! We know better than Hamas- the Infidels will kill them with their Drones and Apache gunfire-for those who are still alive that is” he added.

Definitely, the Taliban is becoming international to the extent of forming strategic alliances with homegrown start-ups like Lakshar e-Taiba (Army of the Good) now headquartered in Pakistan, to perpetuate 'common badness' across the civil world.
“and if things keep looking up as they do right now, we're going to be the new kids on the mountain valleys; replacing al-Qaeda; just as it replaced the People's Mujahideen. Behold the dawn of a New World Order beckons ”. He concluded
Copyright© 2009 newsync
Kenyan Blogs Webring Member

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

...Bin Laden Spotted In City

Osama bin laden may be hiding in city
DN, Oct. 26th 2007


“Osama bin Laden   could be hiding  in a city instead of a cave in the Afghan highlands,”

said Lieutenant- General  Asad al- Musad, a former head of the powerful Pakistan Inter-Services Intelligence Agency (ISI).
According to Lieutenant-General  al-Musad, it is believed  the terror boss is comfortably  tucked away in some (undisclosed) urban area  enjoying the trappings of his newly found amenities which include a very  big  bubbling Jacuzzi, sauna, indoor gym and  a custom  fitted Sony™  home theatre system complete with an HDTV ready 64” TFT-LCD Sony  Bravia™ flat  panel with a 5.1 channel  Bose™ surround thrown in,  in good measure, among others.
“Things haven’t looked this  up for ‘the boss’’ also fondly referred to as “Mustapha”- meaning the chosen one, by his  close aides and business  associates, among  other flattering titles.
“This is a far cry from the dusty, pathetic, congested, claustrophobic
conditions  of the Tora Bora caves in northern Afghanistan” said Ali al-Akram, a Pakistani goat seller.
“Long live defender of the weak, scourge of the west” he added.
Indeed this is a far cry from the days when Osama had to crawl from one   cave system to another, on his bare belly, like a snake, for 45 minutes, just to decoy the reconnaissance planes.
And when   the tanker bursting ‘birds of prey’   came in, he had to crawl even faster.
“Those were the tough times”   Osama acknowledged in an off the camera remark.
“It was hotter than   Jahanam   down there am telling you. What was I supposed to do?” said   Osama fending off criticism from a section of Taliban religious leaders who   insisted it was not only indecent but most important unreligious for anyone, more so a ‘ great leader’  like him to crawl with only his underpants on, unless one was taking a shower or a swim in an Oasis or the  river Tigris-upon-Euphrates.
Osama later wrote a formal apology.
Many were the times he had to disguise himself as a fakir (beggar) in order   to pass the Pakistani border checks undetected, just to get a puff of opium. “The swine eating infidels razed down our poppy fields” he would grumble.
“I, Osama bin Laden, king of the damned, who strikes fear  in any westerner’s  soul- a beggar! It just doesn’t add up,” he would add.
Those days are long gone now and with every dawn, a new day full of hope and camaraderie beckons.
“The boss smiles a lot nowadays and even gets to see his  wife and kids ( in person, not grainy videos)  once or twice in a blue moon,” said  Abufeisal bin  Mikdad, al Qaeda’s Minister for Family Reunions and Outdoor Activities whose  main job is to  make sure  organization members meet their kin at least once in a lifetime, and where possible arrange picnics and get together' s.
“As for ‘the boss’ I must admit am a bit jealous. In his (undisclosed) location, he gets to live a near normal lifestyle, just like everybody else before 9/11” said bin Mikdad.
According to our sources, Osama has been spotted once (ok, maybe a person who looks like him), leaving a nearby Walmart  store  with several  cans of jell-o and what appeared to be a dozen 700ml bottles of   tomato ketchup. Curious onlookers suspected  a terror attack was imminent but when he pulled by the local snack bar, for 50lbs  of  “Happy  Meals” the rubberneck-ers fears were laid to rest, if at least temporarily.
Sources close to him revealed the terror boss suffered from a severe strain of bulimia. After many years in caves, with barely enough to eat, you can’t blame the man.

Copyright© 2007 newsync
   Kenyan Blogs Webring Member

Monday, 5 October 2009

Uncle Bob Finally Allows BBC In Land

In an unprecedented yet, maybe, anticipated move, the Zimbabwean government has allowed the British Broadcasting Corporation back into the country after many years of being locked out, following allegations describing Robert Mugabe as an ape man, early man or a demented old circus monkey or..just something ape like.

According to our reliable sources, bbc reporters reported happenings inside Zimbabwe from neighboring xenophobic Republic of South Africa or, sneaked through Mugabe International Airport -formerly Harare- as British tourists dropping by to have a sip of Zimbabwean beer and take a few snap-shots of the sights and sounds of the breathtaking Thompson falls and magnificent golden Velds, only to end up picking sound bytes from the locals with their well concealed portable recorders. Sound bytes which put Zimbabwe and by proxy Mugabe in a bad picture to the rest of the international community.

These bad pictures varied; from the important issues like not having enough food to eat and what Britain described as the," indespicable, undemocratic act" of beating up Morgan Tsvangirai and his supporters, to the mundane like too much money chasing after too few goods-inflation in layman language- and barter trade.

BBC's Alastair Leithhead who made living history as the first reporter in the country after the 'reporting embargo' was lifted, was flanked by Morgan Tsvangirai, now Prime Minister and shown around the New Zimbabwe. After which he was embedded by Mugabe's personal guards-considered a privilege- to one of his ranches near the Zambezi river where the threesome had a civilized round table discussion [Prez, PM and reporter] on the future of bbc reporting inside Zimbabwe,freely. while at the same time, Alastair being careful not to mention the words 'Whites' and 'farms' in the same sentence.

In an interview with CNN's Larry King, when asked why they had called President Mugabe 'Robertus Mugabeus' in the first place, BBC's director of communications Sir Martin Spinnaker passed it off as a smear campaign by a little known Minnetonka, Minnesota based heavy metal rock radio station WDMQ with it's parent company in the Republic of South America[RSA].

Copyright© 2009
Kenyan Blogs Webring Member

Sunday, 4 October 2009

Diploma Xpress accusses competition of producing below standard fake diplomas

In another case of a war of words in the cutthroat man-eat-man business of fake certificates, a leading fake certificate berated it's main rival for producing substandard fake diplomas for the market.

“we believe our clients deserve the best [fake] diplomas for their hard earned money and not the mediocrity Succeed is offering,' said Matty Maguire, Diplomaxpress PR person.

“And since there is no regulatory body, as yet, in our line of work, we should take it upon ourselves to regulate ourselves, being our brother's keepers, by removing the flack from their eyes so they can see further and clearly enough to see their incompetence” added Marty.

Diplomaxpress who are the market leaders and whose customers are mostly high school and college seniors have recently branched into the production of PhD's, MBA's, MBE's and OBE's to cater for the rapidly expanding [and profitable] segment of postgraduates and 'distinguished individuals in society' clientele.
Succeedonline CEO Fred “Freddy” Kerkorian dismissed these claims as hogwash, and just another case of “ old entrants fearing new entrants” as is the common feature in the landscape-or is it netscape.

Professor Arthur McDunkin PhD, Mch., MBA, MBE of the University College London concluded there is some credence in Kerkorian's observation. “diplomaxpress is still the leader in this field with with a market share of 60pc. But that's down 10 percentage points from the same period last year which shows competition is gaining ground”.

An authority on fake credentials, author of two bestsellers 'Contraband Certificates' and 'Our Cheating Society' and writer of numerous papers on the subject, Prof. Arthur didn't fail to notice the improvements in the 'efficiencies' and 'perceived authenticity' of these company's products.

In an experimental study conducted last year, the original diploma was voted fourth [by experts] out of the total five diplomas on display, all of them fake but one .

“ last year it was number three” he said.

The Professor also noted that “these guys have become so good at producing fakes which are more real than the real McCoys; the seals, holograms and all- done with such aviation precision that this is surely evidence of highly skilled workmanship and frankly speaking, the phonies are of better quality paper”

So what's the secret we ask

“ not only is this attributable to modern technology like the HP® laserjet printers, laser guided Holos and nextgen 3D Fuji finepix® DSC[digital still cameras] which uses two 3x zoom lenses instead of one, placed approximately a distance apart like the human eyes, giving an impression of depth, but also the use of Sandalwood pulp and of course, globalisation” bragged Maguire.

“ though illegally logged, Sandal is of a higher quality than recycled cardboard, a preference of many Colleges as it's cheap and the need to please tree-hugging Peaceniks and Greenbelters is also high in their agenda. We don't carry such baggage”

“but again, we don't come cheap. You have to earn your papers” he added.

Succeedonline's Freddy, denied comment as he was busy finalizing paperwork for their forthcoming IPO, this Thanksgiving.
Copyright©2009 newsync
Kenyan Blogs Webring Member

Man of all time

It's been almost a decade; only three months shy, and it still feels like yesterday. You didn't even get to see the glasses you bought me- after the telly had taken it's toll.
Didn't see my grades, and only lasted in your brand new digs for five months. And all this took place because I grew up. Only two years past fifteen and all of a sudden I turned from 'beneficiary' to 'benefactor'.
You did everything and suddenly, I was doing everything- for myself,by myself, on my own, by my own. And from then on, I made a promise to myself not to grow up. Peter Pan for me, just like Jacko-without the baggage. all thanks to the Reaper.
I blame you reaper, I blame you!
Grim Reaper: Oh c'mon man, it's almost a decade, get over it
Ocamps: ...happy now, killjoy!
Grim Reaper: Don't make me feel this way, you know as well as I do, I was just doin' my job. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
Ocamps: shut that hole you busybody who keeps himself busy by snuffing life out of bodies
Grim Reaper: hey, watch your mouth kid. Look, am sorry. And like I said, just doin my job
Ocamps: ...and look who's apologising, my brother grim huh, oohhh! Am so touched. You're such a Croc you know that. Go to hell
Grim Reaper: I have no time for regrets
Ocamps: we are not having this conversation
Grim Reaper: we already halfway so mad right now I could strangle you with my bare hands
Grim Reaper: you know you can't do that, you have no power over me. Am Death incarnate
Ocamps: you are soo dead wrong, in my Father's place there are many homes and when 'the end begins' you'll have and a taste of your own scythe
Grim Reaper: ...i'll take you there alright
Ocamps: damn you!! you dark cloaked pale faced pathetic specimen of ...
Grim Reaper: keep runnin' your mouth you spoilt brat and i'll take you before schedule
Ocamps:...whigg-a pleaaaase, leaaave! Go kill time in Hades, and while there, give my regards to Lucifer and Beelzebub
Grim Reaper: I'll Be Back!!
Copyright© 2009 newsYnc
Kenyan Blogs Webring Member

Dear friend,

“Jac, please turn down the volume on your iPod”

In the tropical heat sipping some coconut punch on this [compulsory] holiday, I believe I rest assured that you’re taking good care of my baby back at work for me and the baby am talking about is of course…you guessed right…my broadband grade Hewlett and Packard personal computer.

It was a shame I wasn’t around to see how it handled on the day Seacom went live but given prior uncompromising reliability and dependability, I have good reason to believe it rose to the occasion; unless something happened to it for the while I’ve been away.

Talking of something happening to it, could be a variety of happenings like that dude who fiddles with horizontal control settings which make the graphics appear on strip like my Titanic VHS tape. This always forces me to undo the settings or if push comes to shove, reset everything back to factory settings.

There’s also this other guy who likes to swap my “Thriller” desktop and my “Off the Wall” wallpaper with Anime characters and Manga superheroes such as Professor Oak, Oceano and others saved under unrelated titles such as ffdk or rbt, or nokia GPRS settings. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but do you how many gigabytes it takes up? Try terabytes. All this non-work related data on the hard disk makes my own facebooking experience as boring as watching grass grow.

Talking of grass, just hoping my grass-green, canvassed, 5-point wheel base, height, back and arm rest adjustable touch typist, ergonomics swivel chair is still in it’s rightful place, that is, in my work station in front of my baby. A quick glance at an angle of depression on your left you can’t miss my Dell® ‘ping-pong’ mouse and just under your nose a correspondingly branded QWERTY keyboard.

I know by now people might be asking, why does this guy still prefer the ‘oddball’ mice compared to the more fashionable, trendy, Y2K-ish and technologically advanced maintenance free optical mice which is the ‘in-thing’ and works on the principle of an LED light, magnified by a magnifying glass which in turn transmits the light to…to hell with the techniks!

The reason I prefer the ‘ball’ is maintenance; which involves turning it upside down, rotating the lid in a counter clockwise direction them scrapping the flaxy fluff from the rollers with a ball point pen cap and voila! Maintenance over, leaving you with an overwhelming feeling of achievement following a task well accomplished.

Last but not least, you can always tell Jacob, the IT guy..oh, sorry, he’s here with me. Never mind.

Anyways my friend, thanks in advance for making sure everything is in place including the peripherals like the black box[kitufe], mouse pad...and since I mentioned it, lemme add that am not a big fan of that mat-like thingamabob and am willing to give it away without a fight as long as you present a strong, watertight case for example if they’re two agents and one uses an ‘oddball’ mouse and the other optical, no way I will give it to the other guy and hey, I know what you’re thinking..biased! the answer is nope!

Obviously the guy with an optical mouse doesn’t need a mouse pad, PERIOD!

But there’s this particular cute ergonomically designed mouse pad at my local cyber with a spongy carpal pad to reduce carpal strain and injury which I really fancied and sometimes entertained the idea of borrowing it without permission but again…that would be stealing.

Sorry for the long winded letter, my return will be as soon as possible and as am typing away, there’s this nice and fuzzy feeling in knowing that I have a friend whom I can count on so I can rest easy, enjoy some peace of mind and goes without saying, tantalizing Taarab music on this portable baby. Ciao!

“Hey, who took my headsets?”
Copyright©2009 newsync
Kenyan Blogs Webring Member


It's been revealed by our (ocassionally) reliable sources that the trip taken by Agwambo abroad was indeed a special invitation by the the Queen of England to be 'Gonged', the common slang for being knighted.

It's further revealed a private after-the-banquet party was held in honour of the the presidential aspirant which was widely described as befitting a “President-in-waiting” with people like Tony Blair, John Major, Cathy Wang and others in attendance, to be knighted, it sure was a night to remember.

“Am very excited by all these new developments. If the Queen is behind me, who can be against me?he he he” Raila was overheard bragging, to Jack Straw the former British Foreign Minister.

“ I knew the monarch had a soft spot for me but this...its simply out of this world. I can't believe am really, really Sir Agwambo is this for real? Can somebody pinch me?” he added.

Meamwhile, the ceremony, the Queen gave a moving speech touching on global warming, stem cell research, mad cow disease and African democracy.

Afterwards,there was lots of waltzing and salsa dancing on the Buckingham Palace grounds till early morning.

According to sources close to Raila, it is alleged the monarch donated £100 Sterling pounds towards Raila's campaign kitty with the Queen's personal donation of £19.82 (from her own purse) and the monarch pledged a further £5.99 a day, towards the last six days of campaigns.

The Buckingham Palace spokesperson was away on holiday to confirm the reports.
Copyright© 2007 newsync


Since time immemorial, tax collection has been the main source of income for the authorities that be. In fact it is the oldest organized system of revenue collection still relevant today as it were in the middle ages, mosaic and Jesuit periods and the most recorded of this practice in the not so recent history is during the Roman empire.

During this period, the empire was so effective that almost nobody managed to evade taxes or as I put it 'escape the hawkish hawk eyed tax collector'. Tax collection was a highly un-noble profession and extremely looked down upon. The same applied to the collectors but the disgruntlement radiated from the taxpayers- the common people- and not the rulers and leaders.

It is not surprising the hate for the practice and the 'practitioner' is still present if not with another zeal. But instead of showing their disgruntlement and un-appeasement by throwing tantrums, they have resolved to a subtle but highly effective approach; tax evasion.

This practice is especially prevalent in developed societies and costs world governments billions of dollars in lost revenue. New ways to crack down on this seemingly 'rationale' vice are being suggested and devised every season but it seems the taxpayer is always one step ahead of the tax collector thus he/she has an unfair advantage.

But what exactly leads people to evade taxes either by falsifying documents or transferring their assets to tax havens? Well, the reasons are simple enough. Not only are taxes charged on almost every consumer item- in form of VAT- but they don't come cheap either.

A good example is our own country which has some of the toughest tax regimes in the continent. And whether the tax one pays translates into social and economic development in one's community or doesn't, it's common human behaviour (read greed) to pay up as little as possible and retain a s much as possible.

Most modern taxation systems are also grossly flawed and mostly dismissed as favouring the rich. A case in study is the flat rate taxation system as that applied in VAT. Though system is easier to install, monitor and implement, in common sense terms, it's not fair for some rich man in the city and some poor old lady in the country to pay the same taxes on a consumer item.

The rich man has to pay up more since he can afford it and the old lady less thus a balance is struck and the tax man is happy, with a clear conscious.

Uniform tax reduction also benefits the Fat Cats more than the intended target-the poor and start-ups- since the bigger you are, the more you pay consequently the more you will save when tax is reduced.
There's a common adage which goes, 'there are two sure things in life; death and taxation,' I couldn't agree more. Instead of government finding ways to waiver taxes on services, products and properties,they are always busy finding ways in implementing the contrary.

Everything these days is charged;from recent introduction of eighteen wheelers (commercial trucks) toll charges in Germany's autobahns(highways) to recent adoption of VAT charges by the Indian government. It's hard to believe this concept is very new and alien to the Indian populace. Most of them had no idea what VAT-Vat as they they pronounce it – was something the rest of us had become so accustomed to and mostly taken for granted, with VAT charged from the airtime we use to the tissue roll we misuse.

So it should not come as a surprise to hear that people will be having sleepless nights and heart attacks when the tax man comes knocking. Their 'miscalculations' haunts them.
But after all is said and done, taxation can best be summarized as a cost sharing mechanism, kind of an altruistic inclination whereby the 'haves' have a moral duty and obligation towards the 'have nots' which only serves to show the reasons underlying the policies of uniform wealth redistribution.
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