Friday, 23 October 2009

stepping down, stepping up, stepping out- stooping low!!

“ Am not king-making anybody but want to make a difference in the management of public affairs in this country. I will go the whole hog because to pull out would be political suicide”

DN Oct. 3rd 2007

I will step down for anyone, Kalonzo vows. ...finally realizes doing so would be political salvation.

Nairobi, Kenya

In a surprising change of mind, ODM-K flag bearer Kalonzo Musyoka vowed, yesterday to step down and support any of the remaining aspirants provided his 'demands' and 'conditions' are appropriately and unconditionally met thus effectively ending media speculation on whether he'd step down or soldier on.

The statement comes a few days after it was reported ( in a local daily) that he had vowed not to step down for anyone. The announcement drew mixed reactions from the ODM-K quarters, “ I want my money back” cried Mwendwa Kilonzi a councillor aspirant from Kathonzweni clearly irritated by the decision.

“ I think he has (finally) made a smart choice. Frankly, we all quietly knew he stood no chance at the presidency but kept it to ourselves. But somebody had to explain this ti him even if it meant breaking his heart, and thank gawd somebody did” said Philomena Kalekye, the party's Organizing Secretary

“ and in good time too” she added.

“After lots of soul searching, I decided it's not bad to be a king-maker. And lets be honest here my brothers and sisters, everybody knows I lost my lucky pair of horse shoes” said Kalonzo, “ to make matters worse, I sprained my Achilles tendon while practicing at the Ngong Racecourse a few days back. I couldn't compete!” he added.

“ At first I was angry, i couldn't believe it. After all the committee meetings, lobbying, fund raiser lunches and party nominations, the guy just wakes up in the morning and decides, hey, am out. He should have at least consulted” said Maanzo, the party chairman, who had to learn through a radio address like everybody else.

“But after a short while, my anger was replaced by admiration for the man, as he explained to me how he had already lost the race since he lost his pair of fetishes, sustained (minor) injuries and other related excuses” added Maanzo.

“It takes a real (incompetent) horse to pull out of a (really) tight race. He should be commended for that, not condemned” he concluded.

Meanwhile, NewsYnc obtained a photocopy of a sample of the original 500 pages booklet of the 'demands' and 'conditions' before making a king of any 'horse'.


I hon..I mean 'horse' Kalonzo Musyoka, as the new king-maker, hereby put down in writing my 'demands' before making a king out of any 'horse'

(part of it)

Chapter 24 of article 6a, & b and 7 and 8

6)Power sharing government whereby the presidency will be shared between I and the king. Viable model(at least in theory) as follows.

a) Joint Presidency- whereby the country will have two presidents ruling side by side in perfect peace and harmony-hopefully.

b) Rotating Presidency- Each gets a turn to run the country for a period of six months after which hands over 'Responsibility' amicably, to the other. The keyword here is Responsibility not power. Power corrupts, and extremely hard to hand over. Modus inspired by the EU.

7) 100% of the national cake to be eaten up by Eastern province, alone. While the CBK (Central Bakery of Kenya will be obliged to bake another (separate) national cake to be distributed countrywide. My team speculated the CBK governor will have to ship another heavy duty oven from China.

8) 'Endangered species act' to be reviewed to include the Dik Dik, the Akamba handicraft and the (Akamba) people at large, so as to propagate their progeny and accord them affirmative license.

The 500 page 'booklet' was distribute to the other 'horses' in their respective tribal tongues.

“This is ridiculous” protested Raila. “political blackmail am telling you, I was a king-maker once remember but I only asked for 'Understanding' through an office 'Memo' that's it! Not some 500 page mumbo jumbo” he added.

Kibaki, the other prefered a hands-off approach and didn't even touch the 'booklet' instead requested a pod cast so he could keep informed while teeing off.

Paul Pattni complained the Gujarati translation was so poor he couldn't make meaning out of anything but, it seemed like...well...nobody really cared.

“Which 'booklet' what is it about, Ati kalonzo steps down? from where” an out of touch (and confused) Muiru was quoted soliciting answers from his (even more confused) congregation.

The 'King-Making Conundrum

The king-making concept is not new in Kenyan politics. In fact, it can be traced back to the founding fathers era whereby, according to legend, in just a few strokes of the pen, Railas father made the first 'king'.

He just had to sign a few papers, drafted by the imperalists requesting his assent and voila! A king was made, without a ballot being cast. How convenient.

History repeats itself and in just under three and a half decades, Raila himself, the immediate king-maker turned king-wannabe, As-In-Has-To-Be-Just-Has-To, had to say 'Kibaki tosha' and what followed was just electoral protocol to confirm the 'king-made'.

King-making is a lousy job as both father and son realized sooner rather than later.

“You can't take a king's word as a promise anymore even when put down on paper or office 'memo” Raila was qouted at a past function. “It's been the family business for the second generation now and I won't let it trickle down to the third. It has benefited us nothing but unfulfilled ambitions and broken promises” said Raila at Uhuru Park during ODM's official pesidential campaign launch on Ocotober 7th 2007.

“After much consultation and consideration, we as ODM, promise to meet Kalonzo's demands if he works with us” said Anyang' Nyong'o after a Pentagon meeting at Orange house, two days after Kalonzo's announcement.

P.S.: didn't know things would turn out the way they did at the time of writing so i decided to dedicate this piece to all the affected, by the senseless violence especially those who lost loved ones. C'mon guys, People Power,let's make an ass of all those stupid politicians and inciters.

"I do not pretend to understand the moral universe; the arc is a long one… And from what I see I am sure it bends toward justice”- Theodore Parker (Aug. 24 1810- May 10, 1860)

Copyright©2007 newsync

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