Thursday, 24 December 2009

Army Private thought southern Sudan was in Afghanistan

 Soon to be deployed  Private Josh Ludkin has revealed that all along his BCT[basic combat training] he actually thought southern Sudan was in Afghanistan.

Speaking to reporters outside his family porch during a last visit to say  goodbye to his family, neighbours and girlfriend before joining his comrades in preparation for the 'surge', Private Josh admitted this fact, head bowed slightly in shame.

When asked by reporters how he came about this crucial piece of  geographical enlightenment which in real combat can mean the difference between life and where you'd be retreating to, Josh 23 cited the power of online  gaming.

" it was a Sunday afternoon and i was slouching in front of my Mac Pro when i stumbled upon this Energyville game. I recalled the Chevron logo because i remember seeing it in my Dad's back issues of  The Economist subscriptions and it has a ring with the military too". he said.

 " I didn't play the game much, it had jargon stuff like 'sustainablity' and  'clean energy' and wasn't as much fun as the mmorpgs like  Alganon or World of Warcraft. What caught my attention was southern Sudan written somewhere and i said..wait...isn't this where seargent said we'd be heading?  so i Binged it up and... hellooo!! the shocker. The world as i knew it had changed with the click of a mouse" he added.

Harvard historian Geoff  Madison PhD. described Josh's Geographical ineptitude as 'disturbing especially for an American soldier who are some of the most travelled exposed people' in the United States  but fell short of using the word appalling.

"given his age and  low rank in the army he is obviously a newbie and  there is a good chance by the time he was getting his geography lessons in High school, Sudan was still a single, this very huuuuge am not...yap! am right" said Dr. Geoff Madison after a quick glance on his PDA as if to check an incoming mail.

Meanwhile, Josh reveled in  his new found  knowledge and took the initiative to 'share' it on facebook and posted every minute detail on the micro blogging site twitter. His Dad even promised him a ticket to Disneyland as a Christmas gift for all the media buzz he had created around himself and by extension the family and the small neighbourhood in  Marlin County.

        "now, if only i could figure out where the hell is Carmen san diego"

"an d if he can repeat the stunt in 2010, we are are spending Christmas Bethlehem and new year in Adelaide. Well, not that i know these places very well but the tour company sure does; in the brochure" added his father.

After all, there is no much difference between these two countries now is there. They are both hot, dry, rocky very inhospitable, near the middle east and where Kalashnikovs are much cheaper than Santa- suit deliveries to Helmand Province.

But Private Josh was not done on impressing in his new found geographical  prowess.

"now if only i could figure out where the hell is Carmen San Diego" he murmured to himself as he furiously scrolled and typed away on his white keyboard.

" or maybe Private Ludkin is not as dumb as he'd like us believe. There is probably a town called southern Sudan in southern Afghanistan-right now or in the not so near future just like we have a state called Georgia and a whole country by the same name in Europe, we have a town called Obama in Japan and  just like we have a town called Manchester in New York" said Dr. Madison.

"this kid is a genius" he concluded

©2009 newsync

Kenyan Blogs Webring Member



  1. Staff Sgt. Muslim finds a "Piggy Delight" in GI Jane's box
    Kategori: Romantik og forhold
    Ever watched "Full Metal Jacket"? The scene where the Sgt finds a donut that had been snuck in from the canteen?

    If I was Staff Sgt. Muslim, I would make the scene like this, & yes, this is how I would treat GI JANE, or any other woman who has ANY hopes or plans to become my wife or even girlfriend.

    GI JANE! what is this "Piggy Delight" doing in UR box?! I have FORBIDDEN U to eat "Piggy Delight's" EVEN in the canteen! U know that ANY & ALL things from the canteen DOESN'T belong in UR box! U have FAILED ME GI JANE! U owe me 1 million push ups for that FAILURE! But because I love U so VERY MUCH! U don't have to give me a SINGLE one! UR "Company" has therefore been AWARDED that task. Until THEY help U to ACHIEVE ´that 1 million push ups, they will not be given ANY OTHER TASKS, OTHER THEN to GIVE ME that 1 million push ups that U, GI JANE OWE ME!

  2. ..heheheh jay. Yap a piggy delight in anybody's box is a complete no no given the views we have on pig meat. That company has it's work[-out]cut out for them