Monday, 18 January 2010

Global Insurance Industry blames a higher power for financial ruin

The Asian, European and Americas Health and Life Insurance Companies popularly known as HLIC's presented a unified statement Monday 17th 2010 to religious leaders of the world expressing 'concern' about their future liquidity thereby ability to honour policy holders claims 'if things continue to go the way they are going'.

" By ushering the new year at Times Square we felt a sigh of relief since we figured the worst decade of our industry thus far, was finally behind us. This was the time for a new start" said Charlie Wiewereit a New Yorker and US policy sales representative for Groupement Francais d'Assurance [GFA].

" But alas, look what we have in our hands right now- and the first month of the year has not hit 20th yet" he added

          the Insurance industry is fed with settling third party damages

The Vatican which received the statement early morning by email stated the insurance company needed their help.

"we were not sure how exactly to reply or what a small city state could do to help a mammoth industry like the insurance industry".

" reading the fine print, i think they wanted us to intercede on their behalf but strongly favoured intervention and/or mediation [between their industry and God] but If that didn't work we confess them" said Cardinal Fabrizio Caperalli the Vatican communications director.

"Well, they didn't exactly use the word 'God' but 'Heaven' can as well give you a good idea of whom they were referring to and i commend them for not mentioning the name of God in vain " he concluded.

Emerging reports from industry insiders apparently blame the meteoric rise of claims and collapse of many of HLIC's members as attributable to 'acts of God' for the most part of the last decade.

" i don't want to go to details of the major acts of [Him] 'youknowhomamtalkin'about' which cost us a lot of money in claims but i believe the overwhelming evidence is clear in everyone's eyes and memories. Humanity is our jury" said Mark Drisbell an executive board member of Allianz.

On posing the question of a possible civil suit against 'Him' as hinted by Drisbell, the President of a Canadian HLIC said they didn't want any trouble and just wanted to go on with their business.

"As a Canadian insurer, our liquidity and is quite healthy". said Peter Drake.

But he didn't stop short of criticising their big neighbours unethical business tactics of confusing clients with technical jargon thus under insuring them.

" The One high above notices every injustice against any policy holder. Even if we win a case against Him, he will surely get back at us- as usual, out of court. Your most incompetent risk analyst and legal officer will advise you against it. The damages caused will not be worth the effort." he concluded.

©2010 newsync

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