Sunday, 15 November 2009


The International criminal court prosecutor Luis Moreno-Ocampo, in a press conference at the US$ 28 per night bed and breakfast Stayokay Hostel Dan Haag , described his recent tour of Kenya on November the 3rd as marvelous.

The Argentine lawyer, who has been the chief Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court [ICC] since 2003 even went as far as describing his hosts, the President and the Prime minister as the most easy going, intelligent and laid back people he has ever met, especially the President.

On the same note, he didn't stop short of giving praise to the great fauna and flora found nowhere in the world but at the heart of the most fertile highlands and dry savanna of the country.

“ we all know Kenco Coffee is a world famous quality product found in all supermarket shelfs across the world and in fact I had some this morning. I Had to send for it at Aldi Markt [a German supermarket chain] across the boulevard as my stock from Tesco had ran out. It's a shame they don't have those in Nairobi's supermarkets. I was willing to carry some in my folio bag, space permitting” he said

what's Kenco coffee we ask;anyone? As for us, coffee is not our cup of tea. Thought we were tea people.

“ and the wildlife,wow! Didn't disappoint. We went for one of those rugged buggy safaris to watch the big five in their natural habitat. I was shown the spot they killed that young British lady some time ago by the tour guide” he added

And as if that was not enough, the trio flew down to the coast. The two principals were joined by the Tourism Minister Nagib Balala and they took some photos in front of the 15th century fort Jesus, a living testimony of the Iberian's bloodthirsty massacre of Coastal men, women, children and chicken.

“ As a lawyer, and from my history books I understood the Portuguese were so cruel they wouldn't stand a fowl crossing their pathway- they killed it and not for table meat.” said Ocampo.

“ and don't forget atrocity is my specialty” he added matter of factly. Balala said Ocampo's visit was paramount for the recovery of the tourism economy and no money could buy that kind of publicity.

After a hot mid-afternoon day of sightseeing and an expensive meal at State house, the three parted ways for what was later described by some reporters as a pursuit of individual interests.

Kibaki headed straight to the nearest nine hole, at the Mombasa Golf Club grounds, yap, you got it, the one overlooking La Terraza.

Raila headed straight to the Mombasa Old town fish market to sample exotic delicacies like Octopus tentacles , prawns and blue fin tuna-necessarily not found in the great lakes region.

Who showed him that place anyways. He should have gotten lost given the old town's maze of narrow, winding, confusing streets with similar looking buildings and people.

Meanwhile, Ocampo headed to historical sites like Jumba La Mtwana at Kikambala, South Coast where he got to see some ruins and a little verbal history from the wise sages about the Wagalla Massacre, before taking the irresistible dip into the white breaking waves at the backyard.

When asked whether there was anything serious discussed with the two heads of state given the amount of fun and a good time they had, Ocampo had a swift reply.

“ if you think you understand African politics, someone must have explained it you badly”

In other news, we were informed by our sources that the UN's special rapporteur on torture-cum- human rights expert Manfred Nowak's 'Holiday' to Zimbabwe was cut short when he was detained by police then deported on arrival following an invitation by the Prime minister Morgan Tsvangirai.

The country's coalition President Robert Mugabe thought it a bad idea.He'll definitely miss that wild safari in the velds

At least the Kenyans know how to put up a diplomatic ruse.
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