...as the commission settled to work, delegates were confounded again with the unpleasant, arduous task of determining, still, what ails and eventually kills Kenyans. Since malaria, HIV and the highway were out, the list of possible ailments was narrowing down thus making it more difficult for anyone to come up with a smart, convincing, serious killer until alas! Some gentleman mentioned the common cold.
This was met with a around of applause from every segment of the delegation regardless of political, social, socio-economic, religious or geographical affiliations.
“How could we miss something so right under our noses?”
But many of the independent analysts from the EU and USAID found this hard to believe and speculated the delegates were bored and wanted to get this over with and just go home early.
“c'mon people, you can't pin it on the flu. We got pills, jabs and the good old hot lemon to take care of that” said Swedish special envoy madam Ulvaeus Bergdahl whose altercation quickly shot it down before it could see the day of light.
It was back to the drawing board for the now visibly mentally drained delegates to rack their brains harder. Several possibilities were floated such as swine flu which didn't gather steam as it was a relatively new kid on the block. SARS[ Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome]
Another flu like ailment affecting breathing was rejected for being so last century to have had any impact and eventually some delegates vetoed against the mention of any flu partly because they were too mild for any real carnage or, if they were severe, too short lived to do any real damage.
The gym almost came close to a major breakthrough when El-Nino came up the radar. Noting that at the Coast it had swept peoples houses, roads, bridges, burst banks and drifted Crocs from the Tana to people's houses, and then sweeping even more houses, more roads and bridges.
But some learned friends noted the words roads, houses and bridges popped up numerous times than people thus concluded, “maybe it wasn't that bad- and by the way it just started raining cats and dogs last week.”
This led some Coast delegates to take offence at the blatant disrespect accorded the affected semi- permanent structures, buildings, houses..eh..whatever, by the heavy downpours. Within minutes, Eastern delegates joined in, followed by their North Eastern counterparts who had lost lots of Borana cattle in the ongoing prayed for, hoped for but unexpected heavier than usual rains.
It wasn't long before the usual suspects with more hot air in their cheeks than good ideas in their heads, started shouting and ululating- war cries were heard too.Tempers flared, fans were brought in to cool the tempers but it seems they just did the opposite-fan it.
And finally when the fan hit the shit, history repeated itself. Again, the usual suspects, known to posses more brawn[power] than brain [power] started heaving and hurling plastic chairs.
Well, 'plastic chairs' is used here as a euphemism, for the mahogany and wrought iron chairs that were actually heaved and hurled- for the chicken hearted.
"watch out for that bamboo chair..Jesus!!”
The meeting to find out what 'kills Kenyans' was adjourned till another day.
Meanwhile, Mr. Joseph Kaguthi, former head of NACADA [National Agency for the Campaign Against Drug Abuse] now retired, and who was present during the melle but fortunately came out with a broken finger, said drugs had something to do with it.
Whether he supposed those shouting and throwing things were high or he was contributing to the original debate, News Ync. can only speculate.