Wednesday, 10 February 2010

United Airlines to charge 8 US dollars for sheets

77 WEST WACKER DRIVE, Chicago-Barely a month after Air France announced it would be charging clinically obese people double fare, American Airlines has responded in slightly different kind by announcing it would be charging passengers eight dollars for sheets and pillows in mid-haul and long haul flights.

Trustworthy staff sources within O'Hare who requested to remain under the radar suspected United Air Lines'[NASDAQ UAUA] move was ill informed and ill intentioned but executive sources at 77 West Wacker Drive[UAL corporate offices] moved swiftly to assure all concerned it was for the best.

“ Am starting to suspect this is turning out to be a conspiracy of the corporations to control the air ways, how we fly and how much we should spend while flying”said Ms. Fanny Wadstein a frequent flier.

                                         coach class you said

and a number of holiday fliers suspected a wider scheme by marketers conniving with airlines to milk as much from hapless coach passengers as they possibly could in hidden charges.

“Why was a travel altering announcement like this made in such deafening hush hush. I only came to know about it from the PA at departure” said Karl Grenadier who was flying to Florida for a friends bridal shower.

“And the worse thing is they are spreading their wings to include skinny and medium weight people like me and.. that guy-it seems the 'Fat' pay check wasn't fat enough” he added.

UAL officials defended their move by citing the many challenges faced by the Airline industry from almost every type of bomber-shoe-B, underpants-B, syringe-B, ass,-B ass-hole-B and maybe a combination of all of the above.

“And an F-bomb in good measure”.

“The economy is weak, security costs are rising, budget airlines are getting more innovative while keeping costs constant...heck! i have a family to take of ” said a UAL ground manager whom we will call manager X.

“Read my lips my friend am no greedy executive, just a middle level manager who know his place in the food chain and has to take bring home some bacon like everybody else. I also fly you know and that's why we pushed it till May day” added Manager X.

But not everybody was mad at United's decision. Green Peace and Minimalist groups cheered the move as it is expected to encourage passengers to carry their own bedding and hopefully toiletries in future..

At the same time more people will be discouraged from flying.

“The average business traveller makes two separate two hour flights a week. That's 384 bedsheets and pillows in a year-you might as well open a Hotel” said Hirsh Jivani, 23, a Green Peacenik.

“ Talk of killing two birds with one stone” he added.

As ridiculous as it may look UAL are considered laggards in the airline 'extra buck making initiatives' circles considering JetBlue and US Airways had begun charging 7 dollars for a pillow and blanket sets since 2008 and 2009 respectively.

Since then, the major rival airline cartels One World and Star Alliance have agreed on a jointly funded task force to investigate the possibility of charging passengers a premium for on-time arrivals and efficient baggage handling.

“But most important, we should make sure we all go into this[program] together so that no airline is left behind” said ground manager Y who had details of the agenda.

 ©2010 newsync

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