Monday, 22 February 2010

They Still Call Us Blackwater

MOYOCK,North Carolina- Xe Services formerly Blackwater Worldwide has expressed disappointment at the majority of the people of the world still calling it Blackwater.

In response, Xe Services which describes itself as a “private military contractor” has launched a media campaign to educate nearly two thirds of the worlds 6billion plus people to get it right and get it right now or else...

“We spent a whole year and a couple of million dollars coming up with a short, artistic,easy to remember name but all we get is selective amnesia by a public which clearly shows no appreciation as to our efforts” said Anne Tyrell the Xe Services/BW spokesperson.

When asked what the name meant in comparison to the original name that stood for the Peat coloured waters of the founders homeland swamps Anne replied “nothing really” but on realising her PR gaffe quickly moved to explain the “abstract genius concept” behind the twelve month long re-naming and re-logo-ing.

“ I can't believe a year after official re-branding and two years since we came up with this brilliant idea most Americans still call us by our old name. The print media and Jeremy[Scahill] too. They include the old name in brackets or parentheses after nicely acknowledging the new, stripped down nomenclature” fumed Erik Prince, co-founder and former CEO now chairman of the Private entity as he filled up the cc box of his gmail ready to be fired as a reminder to Scahill, a reporter for the Nation and one of the firms fiercest critics and others.

Xe/BW Worldwide, the biggest and clearly the most controversial “personnel defence contractors” in the US described the name change as part of it's new strategy at divesting into “safer” business options like training, disaster relief and tough diplomacy.

This was followed by firing of top level executives and several trigger-happy, gun peddling drunken sailor employees who were immediately snatched by competition and the state department.

There was disagreement among Corporate name change experts on whether Xe/BW had the best training departments for non- military personnel out of the military but all agreed in unison its marketing department sucks.

“Whoever came up with the name Xe to begin with must have been from finance” said Joshua Keipleger a Corporate Name Change[CNC] consultant in reference to world's Favorite Currency Site, who among others, also oversaw the successful name changes of
JetBlue [from “New Air”] and Pdiddy.

Data obtained from a Pew research poll showed an embarrassingly handsome percentage of Americans polled had never heard of New Air or simply forgotten about the crash which led to the name change.

“Now that's what we call 'Brand Renaissance' in marketing jargon” said Joshua which means cover up in black and white.

He also disagreed with economic observers who observed Xe/BW will lose a lot of business from rivals as a result of the revocation of their Iraqi licence in September 2007- a major cash cow during and after the war.

“With their numerous subsidiaries and connections i won't be surprised to learn they have a stake in Haliburton, The Falcon Group, Sarah Palin and subsequently subcontracted by Triple canopy, Inc.a similar company the state dept. has chosen to deal with henceforth-in proxy” added Joshua.

The marketing blitzkrieg by Xe/BW which is planned to coincide with the first anniversary since re-naming will include XOXO camouflage face paintings on five year olds faces who enjoy watching “Soldiers-For-Hire” and doodling XeXe on walls of every Community College, High School and Kindergarten funded by Xe/BW CSR program dollars including tattooing the same on any visible parts of their bodies.

But why the focus on kids and young adults?

“You can't teach Babyboomers new tricks” said Anne.

At least we did the BW after every Xe.

©2010 newsync

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