Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Cleveland Cavaliers Win Most Miserable City Cup

Cuyahoga, OH-Snatching the honour from the defending champions Stockton Ports,the Cleveland Cavaliers emerged victorious in a narrow but convincing win of 98-101 to be crowned the 'baddest' city in the whole of the 50 states of the United States of America and probably the eight provinces of Canada too.

Clevelanders generally welcomed the victory especially given the field was unusually crowded and tough this year round evidenced by the conspicuous absence of traditionally high quality,tough contenders like the Chicago Bulls in the top five instead replaced by relative newcomers.

The Philadelphia 76ers, veteran Guard Detroit Pistons[my personal favourites] and Flint Fuze from Michigan state together with the top two made up the top five Les Miserables this season otherwise known as the 'Big Five' with a guest appearance by the Bazooka, the Port-Au-Prince basketball team.

As such were the results of the USBL [United States Basketball League] which came to a 'we saw it coming' win to some and a rude shock to others.

As the Cavaliers celebrated their Monday night victory, sport commentators congratulated them for their anticipated win but some wondered whether the weather or man made factors played to their advantage

A few said a combination of both; man made decisions and the seasons conspired to dethrone the Stockton Ports of a possible win.

“This year's spring season started rather early don't you think” said Flint Stones a sports anchor for WKJD TV Mich. referring to the holding of the minor[USBL]eague initially announced in January, to be held in April.

“But thanks to the changing of minds of the officials, just like the seasons, we had to settle for second best” Said Stones.

However LeBron James the Cavaliers forward fended accusations the snow and cold played a part in the success of “The Forest City”.

“First of all a black man and the cold don't get along and this was not street basketball-it was played indoors though i gotta say at times the heating was sporadic at worst, luke warm at best” he said.

Wyclef Jean puts on a brave face as he tries to explain where the alleged money donated by the Cavaliers went to

Due to the high competition several cups have been introduced both in the major and minor leagues to accommodate talent which would otherwise mothball as a result of a lack of incentives. The Saddest City cup won by the New York Nets a few months ago, the Sin City Cup won by the Las Vegas Stars and most recently the Come Back kid Cup win by the New Orleans Hornets.

Sane minded officials warned of a major backlash against the proliferation of league titles some of which had political slantings with particular reference to the PalmPrompter Cup and Teabagger Cup won by the Alaska Dream and the Anchorage Anchovies respectively.

“What kind of a dumb name is Anchovies for a basketball team. And are they licensed” said Tim Wolof an NBA official.

The Cleveland mayor frank G. Jackson also opposed league naming which underscored economic under achievement and general lawlessness.

“Our [former] 'Plum-City' has just won the title of the most miserable town. Do you know what that means, yes, you Joe the Plumber. It means our neighbourhoods stink, our manufacturing sucks and unemployment is off the roof. We don't Rock any more” he said and suggested the Caveliers should chase after “economically correct” less depressing titles like Most Livable City Cup , just like back in the days of “Rock n' Roll”.

Emerging accusations allege the Caveliers broke the law in moving back and forth, playing both major and minor league allegedly to increase their chances of winning as many Cups as they could.

If found guilty they could be stripped of their hard won Most Miserable City title.

Caveliers lawyers argue they were well within the law since they were competing within “the charity clause” in a new ruling passed jointly by NBA and USBL officials on 25th January 2010 which allows any team to play in any league or tournament as long as half the prize is donated for a charitable cause.

“Why do you think the Bazookas were here in the fist place- for show business” said the lead counsel.

Ports lawyers suspected the Caveliers' lawyers had exploited a loophole in the Hoop for Haiti bill since some money allegedly donated to Yele Haiti could not be accounted for.

Meanwhile the City's recent success in sports has earned it a new reputation as the “blessed sports City” which ESPN finally validated by withdrawing it's 2004 remarks which described Cleveland as the “most tortured sports city”.

©2010 newsync

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