Seasons Report From NORAD

NORAD didn't disappoint  in it's usual tradition of tracking down St. Nick who exists in the innocent hearts and minds of kids.

By using sophisticated technology of geosynchronous orbital satellites, fighter jets,  since 1998 web cams, and now facebook and twitter .NORAD makes live broadcasts and journeys from south pole to the last drop-off of his 60,000 tonne [this year] load of goodies to all the good boys and girls of God's green earth.

Canadian CF-18 fighter jets intercepting  the chubby fellow yesterday  at around 0136hrs GMT just about when he was ascending from the Himalayas after a drop-off  of Capitalist Manifesto copies to the Tibetan children populace.

Another sighting by the supersonic F-16's escort jets caught a video of St. Nick taking a pee break apparently hanging precariously from the sleighs edge, one hand on the Reindeer halters, the other holding his willy, moving at well..fantastic supersonic speeds.

"ho! ho! ho! he was heard ho-hoing, urging his Reindeer team of Dancer, Prancer, Comet, Cupid,
  the leading light Rudolf and of course a crimson red painted Pratt and Whitney tugged snugly behind the sleigh "we can't afford to stop, we are already behind schedule" he said.

The rest of the Reindeer team had been let go following the adoption of this technological marvel   and as Rudolf put it ' oh! the dead weight was pretty much slowing us down'.

"everybody has to carry his own weight up here, except, of course, Santa" he added.

But Santa being the generous, kind hearted  Santa that he is deployed them to the Santa Bakery to pull sleigh-loads fresh baked confectionery.

"though this new job is not as 'high profile' as he last, we can't complain" said Blitzen on his new responsibilities.

"  you should see the guys down there on earth-not even McDonalds could take them in to flip burgers" he added.

Well, Santa could be delayed but not denied- he sure does exist.

Peace on Earth and goodwill to all men

©2009 newsync





Eneza

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Santa To The World: Expect Delays

Saint Nicholas aka Saint Niklaus aka Father Christmas announced  Sunday there will be delays on delivery  to the young[and the young at heart]. He blamed this on a complex series of man made factors which seemed to conspire at the most un-opportune of  times to make his noble mission of merry giving and general cheer  a logistical nightmare.

                                        ho!ho!ho! we have a problem

"well, first of all i can't say climate change has got any better this year than it was last year and it didn't help much we had a lot of Homo-Sapiens blowing a lot of hot air in the so called climate conference in my backyard" he said.

" couldn't they do this in Bangladesh" he added.

 The melting runway makes it harder for the red cloaked middle aged philanthropist to take off safely  and need we say if things keep going the way they are there won't be any runway for take off.

But his scientific elves disclosed a contingency plan in any case this would come to pass.
"Presents delivery  is such a crucial undertaking we're not leaving anything to chance" said Christmas elf Sunny Sparkly-toes, head of R&D at elflab.

"we're designing a gyro-sleigh for future missions which, am sad to say will render Rudolph and his team of Reindeer jobless" he added.


It goes without mentioning Santa's kitty has been tight lately. Donations have been dropping owing to the credit crunch and to make ends meet he has been forced to dig into his pension account and Mrs. Claus's Arthritis claims money.

" not that i don't mean well for my dear wife but i promised to pay her back as soon as things look up- with interest" he said.

Meanwhile, little boys who behaved well for the year will have to make do with an Optimus Prime truck which doesn't transform to an Optimus prime and little girls will have a chemo-bald barbie doll.

" demand for synthetic hair in Africa is at an all time high which has driven up prices" explained elf  Bouncy Bed-head.

But Santa's  marketing  panel being ingenious as usual decided instead of delivering nothing to the naughty ones, in an agreement with paypal they will deliver virtual 'Euro-only' penalties to their parents to offset their naughtiness;  based on a naughtiness scale of 1-100.

"Apart from feeling good about themselves and their spoilt brats; we really need the money"

The newly placed orders of a GPS and sun-dial on their way from the manufacturer in Paris to Liverpool  and eventual shipping to Antarctica was delayed  following a seven hour Eurostar Bullet train breakdown in the Channel tunnel.

©2009 newsync





Eneza

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