Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Toyota Probox Chosen New Official Somali Wagon Of Choice

 EASTLEIGH, Nairobi- It's now official. The Easleigh council of elders[ Guurt Izili] a board mainly made up of Septogenarian[seventy somethings] Kenyan Somali businessmen has  unanimously passed a resolution declaring the Toyota Probox the official commercial use station wagon  in that region.

The Probox replaces the Toyota L-touring and it's sister wagon the G-touring which have faithfully and reliably served the region as the ultimate commercial wagons since 1996.

a picture of the wagon of choice with the right colour on one of  the  pamphlets to be distributed to all across Eastleigh

"Before that am not sure what was the official wagon but what am sure of is i really am going to miss my   Petrol engine, 1498cc, 262,900 km,Automatic baby " said an emotional Abdishukri Welli aka Abdi Warabe wiping a tear off his eye as he traded in his L-Touring at the Walay autos for a Probox to beat the August 31st deadline.

"It was like a member of the family" he added.

Indeed most Somalis treat their  station wagons as a  member of the family just like a pet lover does which presents  problems for the elders.

"Most families don't want to let go" said Dawood  one of the elders.

" But we understand that's why we allowed them to spend as much reasonable time as possible to say goodbyes before ushering in the new era of Proboxes.We are also carrying out free counseling sessions to make them understand change is the only constant in this life" added Dawood.

What about those who don't want to let go at all especially those who just bought their first L or G touring recently- Dawood admit there is little they can do about that but strongly believed peer pressure from business associates, family members, Imams and clan  will eventually carry the day.

"The Kenyan Somali is a civilised lot. We understand ours is a tightly knit community which places high value on family. Instead of brute force and unnecessary fines we are tapping into that soft power to eventually achieve our goals" explained an optimistic Dawood.

As of press time, Dawood had already acquired his brand new snow white KBM  Probox as a good example for others to follow suit.

" The preffered colour is white specifically to match with our robes during Friday Prayers but i understand we Somalis are so religious we wear robes seven days a week and because we also have a keen eye for Islamic fashion. They come in different colours from Islamic green to Kaaba black. So i believe the verdict is out" said Dawood addressing a press conference of local journalists outside the Sheikh Yusuf Masjid 7th street.

Though critics admit the Probox has slightly more trunk space, improved technology and more or less the same maneuverability as it's predecessors the L and G  series of wagons, it has no curves.

"it looks like bread" said Ali Sugow Dhahir a restaurant owner.

At the moment the directive only applies to the Somali community which are a majority in Eastleigh since as they put it "the council respects and recognises the freedoms  and  liberties of other communities in the area" but elders would like to see it apply to everyone without necessarily violating their freedoms.

The Guurt Izili is considering passing another resolution boycotting transportation services from non-Somalis without a non-compliant station wagon.


Friday, 6 August 2010

Lies For Sex Illegal In New Constitution, Says FIDA, Inspired By Israeli Laws

 EAST JERUSALEM, Israel- An Israeli Arab dude called 'Dudu' who allegedly 'raped' an Israeli woman only identified as Maya has appealed  his sentence.

Kashur, 30 a resident of East Jerusalem and whom Israeli and Arab friends  call Dudu a common Isareli name lied to a  woman two years ago. 10yrs her junior, Dudu said he was single[indeed he was married with two kids], was looking for a serious relationship [obviously not] and 100 per cent Jewish [implied by his nickname].

The lady was impressed and within 15minutes of their meet they had done it. Sabbar Kashur took her number which was and the natural, gentlemanly and ok thing to do.  what's not ok is she called her- two years later and that's where the trouble started.

As of the time of press, his 18 month sentenced had been commuted to house arrest pending the appeal hearing, with an electronic RFID thingy to monitor his movements.

 following ill advice from his Arab-American  friends,  'Dudu's' [which is a  nickname for David] pleas of  "I never played 'sax' with that woman"  didn't fool the Israeli police

In other news, an African migrant  male worker  in the Saudi Kingdom was arrested for accompanying a female who was neither his sister, wife, a female relative and obviously not her mother to a parking lot.

On further questioning he admitted he was not an adult  adoptee either.

This followed a week  after an  Arab spy for the Israelis  was nearly stoned to death for having sex with an Arab whore before being rescued by The Saudi general intelligence, Al  Mukhabarat Al A'amah  officers who needed to extract information from him.

Back in Jerusalem, the  International  Association of Jewish Public Service Employees[IAJPSE] was organising a workshop for the City's company's  senior management  regarding the tough Jewish laws regarding boss/secretary relations.

Also reminding them, though unknown to many, it is still illegal for a boss to sleep with her secretary under no circumstance; consensually or otherwise drawing attention to the organisation's 6pillars of Integrity,Allegiance, Judaica, Professionalism, Service and Ethics[IAJPSE].

"And if you are rich and have done it already you should  be crossing your fingers for the next ten years because that's the time period  such a complaint is null and void" added Schlomo Chaim a  civil Attorney  addressing the mostly male participants.

Closer to home the non-profit NGO Federation of Women Lawyers[FIDA] Kenya supported the verdict on Sabbar  Kashur and  promised it's clients, mainly female victims of domestic violence of brand new harsher laws in the  works.

To attract the younger generation 'Y' female crowd, FIDA promised to lobby for the enactment of laws making it illegal for men to lie to women not only for sex but other matters of great importance and concern like their income,age, height, where they live, which car they drive, past relationships and if she is the only one in his life.

"Following the passage of the referendum vote for the new constitution which guarantees  land ownership for women among other rights i think we are covering  good ground" said Fida gender co-ordinator Miss  Magdaline K.