NEW YORK, New York- Nine years after 9/11, beneath ground zero sources have confirmed all 19 hijackers were doing just fine except for Nawaq al-Hamzi one of the flight 77 hijackers which had crashed on the pentagon.
In a "Situation Room" like setting the 19 perpetrators of the worst terror so far in American history allowed for a short, unedited interview sharing their thoughts and what they could have done different.
"He's having a serious bout of diarrhoea, i think it's the Tofu. Cuisine can be quite unpredictable in here" said Salem al-Hamzi a colleague and one of the 19 referring to his absent comrade.
Quickly veering away from matters of food the twenty something Salem said he had no regrets whatsoever and given another chance he wouldn't think twice about crashing a jumbo jet into an American establishment.
"Talking of Jumbo jets, i heard they got a Super-jumbo out. Too bad it's made in Europe" added Salem whereby Atta jumped in and said that might not be so bad.
"Of course you cannot equate the evilness of the E.U. to the U.S. but with recent intelligence reports am getting from France, our rather erstwhile ally, i think rattling them a bit will bring them back to their senses and surrender in their anti burqa and hijab war" said Atta.
"A bomb scare on an A380 will do just fine in reminding them who's [still] boss in solid ground and the hereafter" concluded Atta.
Stressing to them that they were now in the afterlife and were powerless against beings above was interrupted by an unexpected tongue lashing.
recommended read for most still haunted by those goons
"....point of correction. First of all who said we are below ground. Is Jannah[Paradise] below ground? Is that what your book says? Second of all where did you get the crazy idea our remains might be somewhere in a Manhattan dump site" said a foaming Satam al-Suqami of flight 11 during a flare up which caught me by surprise because i had not come to that subject- yet.
After some calming down by the others to forgive my ignorance the hijackers admitted it gets lonely sometimes in Paradise.
"I miss home. If only they made the Khubz[Pita] just like my mama did i wouldn't be complaining. Neither would Nawaq have to take those Tofus. He himself had no idea he was Soy[a] intolerant" said Salem.
This led me to inquire whether we could speak to the chief chef and what he had to say for himself but my request was flatly refused leaving me to suspect if indeed this interview was taking place in Heaven.
The room fell dead silent for a while and it seemed my next unscripted question was unexpected when i inquired about, you know, the biggest and most interesting prize-the 72 virgins.
Mohammed Atta finally broke the silence by saying they are not free to discuss their sex lives with strangers but conceded babies, lots of them are there and many others on their way at different stages after which everybody else slowly filed out of the room, up a flight of quartzite stairs wearing contemptuous looks obviously fed up with either me, 'Heaven' or both.
That's the moment i snapped off my dream. I never had the time to snoop around to confirm if indeed i had actually had a glimpse of Paradise; or not.
There is still a good chance the Boyz and Men might be doing just fine after all.