BILL GATES SNEAKS INTO KENYA

 
 In another  case of an American well known  person sneaking into Kenya 'unknown' and unnoticed was William Henry Bill Gates III, an American  businessman, Philanthropist, nerd, workaholic agnostic richest  man on the planet for the latter part of last century and...

Ok,  he probably would have wanted this shushed and toned down.

Bill Gates a Seattle based businessman and a [global] do-gooder jetted into the country on an undefined day and  date to check out how his humanitarian efforts were making a difference to humans. Gates ran a spot  check on malaria drugs inventory, lasting approximately ten minutes at a local  drugs store in the small town of  Eldoret in the Rift Valley.

" actually, i just hopped  in  for my  holidays and figured i could just pop  in town and check on stuff  just to make sure" he said.

" not that i don't trust these guys with mosquito drugs but, like i said just to make sure none of it lands in the blackmarket in Juba or Ruwanda. We got similar programmes running there too" he added

But close aides determined he has been always hands on and as they said," sometimes struggled with delegation".

And since leaving Microsoft  one and a half years ago time is all he has had to organise and exercise 'fair'   health  care provision to the worlds people with no strings attached. He denied  he was in a race to be the biggest charity but quietly reveled at the thought of  besting Melinda in handing that skinny kid a cup of porridge lest she makes him 'look bad' like in that last round of golf.

"Fortunately nobody was watching".

Gates, clad in a checked shirt, khaki pants and brown shoes roamed freely  as if he owned the small town whose resident he provides  ARV's  through his Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. He was also reported as apparently  roaming  incognito, till he was long gone, according to his PR people in a rental Toyota Regius and  [modest] convoy of  not very shiny  and/or so mettalic black Land  Rovers "did it hit them just who was in town".

Eldoret being the cradle and home of long and distance runners who  scoop gold with ease for the country in international competitions, many a townspeople  thought  Gates  was an agent or scout for a sports management company.

It is further revealed he ordered his security detail to 'take in the air' while they still could as he bent down low through  some narrow entrance to a grass thutched hut to take a sip of Mursik[sour milk] from his Kalenjin buddy Kiptoo whose dairy business he supports through  Micro-loans.



©2009 newsync





Eneza

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THE KENYA ECONOMIC REPORT 2009 Pt 2

...as the commission settled to work, delegates were confounded again with the unpleasant, arduous task of determining, still, what ails and eventually kills Kenyans. Since malaria, HIV and the highway were out, the list of possible ailments was narrowing down thus making it more difficult for anyone to come up with a smart, convincing, serious killer until alas! Some gentleman mentioned the common cold.

This was met with a around of applause from every segment of the delegation regardless of political, social, socio-economic, religious or geographical affiliations.

“How could we miss something so right under our noses?”

But many of the independent analysts from the EU and USAID found this hard to believe and speculated the delegates were bored and wanted to get this over with and just go home early.

“c'mon people, you can't pin it on the flu. We got pills, jabs and the good old hot lemon to take care of that” said Swedish special envoy madam Ulvaeus Bergdahl whose altercation quickly shot it down before it could see the day of light.

It was back to the drawing board for the now visibly mentally drained delegates to rack their brains harder. Several possibilities were floated such as swine flu which didn't gather steam as it was a relatively new kid on the block. SARS[ Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome]

Another flu like ailment affecting breathing was rejected for being so last century to have had any impact and eventually some delegates vetoed against the mention of any flu partly because they were too mild for any real carnage or, if they were severe, too short lived to do any real damage.

The gym almost came close to a major breakthrough when El-Nino came up the radar. Noting that at the Coast it had swept peoples houses, roads, bridges, burst banks and drifted Crocs from the Tana to people's houses, and then sweeping even more houses, more roads and bridges.

But some learned friends noted the words roads, houses and bridges popped up numerous times than people thus concluded, “maybe it wasn't that bad- and by the way it just started raining cats and dogs last week.”

This led some Coast delegates to take offence at the blatant disrespect accorded the affected semi- permanent structures, buildings, houses..eh..whatever, by the heavy downpours. Within minutes, Eastern delegates joined in, followed by their North Eastern counterparts who had lost lots of Borana cattle in the ongoing prayed for, hoped for but unexpected heavier than usual rains.

It wasn't long before the usual suspects with more hot air in their cheeks than good ideas in their heads, started shouting and ululating- war cries were heard too.Tempers flared, fans were brought in to cool the tempers but it seems they just did the opposite-fan it.

And finally when the fan hit the shit, history repeated itself. Again, the usual suspects, known to posses more brawn[power] than brain [power] started heaving and hurling plastic chairs.

Well, 'plastic chairs' is used here as a euphemism, for the mahogany and wrought iron chairs that were actually heaved and hurled- for the chicken hearted.

"watch out for that bamboo chair..Jesus!!”

The meeting to find out what 'kills Kenyans' was adjourned till another day.

Meanwhile, Mr. Joseph Kaguthi, former head of NACADA [National Agency for the Campaign Against Drug Abuse] now retired, and who was present during the melle but fortunately came out with a broken finger, said drugs had something to do with it.

Whether he supposed those shouting and throwing things were high or he was contributing to the original debate, News Ync. can only speculate.

©2009 newsync