Showing posts with label Kamikaze. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kamikaze. Show all posts

Saturday, 20 February 2010

Al-Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Texas IRS Plane Crash


AUSTIN, Texas- A Spokesman for the international terror Organisation al-Qaeda has moved swiftly to claim responsibility for the Texas Kamikaze bombing.


The Californian born Adan Gadahn acknowledged the relatively successful Cessna flight bomber with as much zest and gusto as he denied his Organisation's involvement with the failed Syringe bomber just over a few months ago.

“Our Organisation is an Organisation of winners and go getters. Our Jihadists do not blow hot air and pour plastic blood about big government on the streets but are ready to stand up against it and whenever the opportunity arises- bomb it!!” said Adan.

Critics argued the terror network chiefs were in a gold rush to earn cheap propaganda mileage probably to counter the blow following the recent arrest of their own in Pakistan but another spokesman Kadir Kalintan who spoke on behalf of the first spokesman Adan, clarified the number 2 was a Taliban commander, a member of a coalition partner.

“Critics should first get their facts right. Al-Qaeda is a stand alone Organisation not an Umbrella Organisation” he added. Though on retrospection, Kadir admitted maybe they should have let their partners the Pakistani Taliban lay claim to this one for “the credibility score”.

Experts did not rule out al-Qaedas involvement entirely. In fact most were convinced there was a darn good chance it had a hand at some stage in the operation no matter how partial or low key since the charred facade of the building which housed the targeted IRS employees bore all the hallmarks of a similar event in recent history.


“ This thing sure has Qaeda fingerprints all over ” said Dr. George Philquist a DHS[Department of Homeland Security] forensic expert at the site. “The perpetrator knew how to fly a plane low, was well educated and very very angry at some American institution. But still i have my doubts. The damage was extensive but with only two people confirmed dead, plus the bomber, the casualties simply do not match up” he added.

Adan explained that might have been as a result of a minor timing error. “ A few minutes delay at the dry cleaners after lunch might mean the difference between lives lost or lives not lost-yet” he said.

“ But hey, this is just breaking news. We still don't know what lies beneath the debris” he concluded.

  ©2010 newsync


Kenyan Blogs Webring Member


Eneza

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Suicide bomber disappointed when he discovers all 72 virgins are lesbian

 A former suicide bomber [the late] Abdul-Aziz al-Mukhairi was disappointed approximately 0213hrs Friday morning on reaching Hades when he was presented with his 'gift' of 72 virgins only to discover later on that they were all lesbians.

" what kind of joke is this" retorted an angry Mukhairi. "the amir's[General] instructions were clear; seven-two pure, untouched virgins. Am as screwed as hell" he added.

Officials at Hades could not immediately establish the cause of the terrible mix-up and when Mukhairi insisted on talking to their supervisor they directed him to an underground dungeon.

Beelzebub, the chief Lieutenant of Lucifer was helpful and considering the 'graveness of the matter' as he put it promised to get him in touch with his boss as soon as he was done roaming the earth for the day.

Meanwhile, as Mukhairi pondered his next move, he struck rapport with with a one Ata, a [former] kamikaze who got wind of his situation. " news travels fast around here and i couldn't help but sympahise with your case" said Ata. " but i have to admit i envy you. Immediately i crashed that plane i was teleported  down here." he said.

"I got my virgins alright but they were all male" he added.

Following lengthy inquiries not to mention  Hades fight to save face Ata was served with a written notice from the Department of  Iniquity  which read in part:

" Dear Shk. Ata,  apologies for the gross injustices and emotional pain brought upon you as a result our Delivery department failure for delivering you the right prize in the wrong package as a result of your valour and martydom. we have however been advised by our legal department not to accept liability as the clause was clear- 72 virgins PERIOD. Never specified male, female or anything in between. For any further clarification or inquiries please...."

"and they told me goods once delivered, not returnable. Am telling you my friend we can't trust Satan anymore" he concluded.

But according to our Hellish sources, we discovered the main culprit for the mix-up was a typing error which described  [now deceased] mister Ata as a female suicide bomber, a one Darine Abu Aisha.

On sensing there was no chance of him ever getting his 'promise' of  72 straight virgins  Mukhairi grew desperate and asked if, maybe,at least... one virgin could be arranged for.

Lucifer replied "no can do" but apologised for the distress caused and promised him it won't  happen again.

Al-Mukhairi's desperation  was quickly replaced by anger. Wagging his finger in defiance while muttering something like "may you burn in fire and brimstone", he left the roon banging the huge wrought iron door behind him.

Asked by  reporters what his next move will be al-Mukhairi said he will be suing The Emperor of Hell and his fallen host  for false advertising.

 ©2009 newsync


Kenyan Blogs Webring Member


Eneza