Algeria, Cameroon, Nigeria Get A Resounding 'No' In Opinion Polls

Nairobi, Kenya-  As Kenyans remained sharply divided  on the draft constitution they are about to vote YES or NO in a forthcoming referendum, sources in Pubs  have noticed a unifying factor- the World Cup.

Not the beautiful tournament  passe but the answer with a 'YES', 'NO' or 'So So' to the question  of who 'Should Have', 'Shouldn't Have' and 'Should  Not' have represented  Africa in the tournament.

Following   the results of a telephone poll by Synovate,a polling  company a whopping 89 per cent of Kenyans think Algeria, Nigeria and Cameroon were a general disappointment in their opening matches. 70pc of that 89pc were not surprised though as they put it  "following the experiences of  Germany 2006 we were just bracing ourselves for a whole new level of 'underwhelment' by our 'West Africon bradas' referring to Nigeria and Cameroon.

 76 per cent of pollsters also claimed this football team of Indian Gurus,Papajis and potential snake charmers would have provided a better scoreline and entertainment than those disappointing 3 teams put together. As of time of reporting, Analysts strongly predicted South Africa will make the number 4



 "Our computers showed a 110pc error margin + or- 0.03 pc. which of course is an error and am not blaming the machine" said Ms. S Poll research co-ordinator Synovate who declined to be named unless her computer crashed following day.

Algeria the African country just happy to be at the Cup again since 1986.

"They are a total waste of air ticket.Saying they area as productive as a paper weight is an insult to the paper weight" said Dickens Owuodo a Pub goer.


Leading Politicians opposed to the draft constitution did not want to be caught at the Train Station when the Ship was docking at Port.

"We have not figured out yet how but we are open to suggestions. We plan to make this triple digit 'NO' vote reflect on our own 'NO' campaign" said William Ruto a Politician opposed to the new Draft Constitution.

Needless to say the Algerians were furious by the belittling of their national team but not  as much as the mention of Egypt by in the 'Should Have' part of the poll alongside Zambia, Kenya, Madagascar and Sychelles the last three having never qualified.

"This is ridiculous. Egypt does not even acknowledge it's African-ness" fumed the Algerian Captain Yazid Mansouri.

Most other African countries agreed leading the Kenyan foreign minister to apologise on behalf of his countrymen to avoid a diplomatic spat.

"We had so much going on; the Premier League just ended, World Cup fever was catching on, Biden came then left with the President  for South Africa after a hurried budget speech at State House instead of the August House all in less than a week." said Moses Wetangula Kenya's foreign minister.

"And i conveniently forgot to mention  the referendum campaigns were heating up at that very time" he added.

Meanwhile, Synovate MD George Waititu announced a repeat of the Poll after news came in of South Africa's 3-0 defeat against Uruguay.

 Madiba in a statement through his aides advised Kenyans to steer away from ethnic politics and embrace Rainbow Politics at the same time get a life- outside of football and Shebeens
Eneza

... If Only They Could Hold Those Damn Elections NOW!!

Raila is the Man to beat, new poll shows

DN Oct. 18 2009

A new poll conducted in Kenya, a country of 35million plus people and floor area of 224,080 sq. miles, roughly the size of Texas [short 44,740 sq. miles] in Africa showed the country's Prime Minister Raila Amollo Odinga 64, would be President, again, if the elections were held as of...well..right now.

This revelation came as a pleasant surprise for the Luo people 85pc of whom consider the Prime Minister their Moses who will lead them from their vicious cycle of poverty to the land of milk and honey and maybe fish, someday.

But for Nairobi Lawyer Kimotho Waiganjo along with a section of other political commentators making up roughly 46pc of the Kenyan political commentator community contend they were not surprised at all by the PM's perfomance.

“I believe I speak for many regular political commentators when i say i saw this coming a mile away” said Waiganjo “ and if the PM intends to keep his steam Locomotive rolling, he's got to pay good attention to the numbers- 46 read backwards is 64 and numbers don't lie” he added.

According to Steadman, now Synovate, a popular polling company in Kenya only comparable to Gallup, Raila came tops with 31 percentage points with his closest rival Mr. Kalonzo Musyoka 56 closing in at 14pc a respectable 17pecentage points difference and a cool improvement from the 'Mr. 8 percent' about the same time last year and [President] Mwai Kibaki 78 coming last at 5pc but supporters say it's mainly because he played fair this time giving credence to the saying doing rounds among African head of states “honest Presidents finish last”.

Though visibly impressed by the poll results and thanking the polling people for a job well done, the PM couldn't hide his disappointment for not hitting his personal target.

“I don't mean to sound ungrateful to the poll participants but am positive if the polling company employees, their families and close relations were allowed to participate am as sure as 2 by 2 is 4 i'd make my 50 plus one” said Raila with his former spokesperson Salim Lone nodding vigorously in agreement.

Meanwhile, the other contenders for the Pollsters Pie namely William Ruto, Martha Karua and Uhuru Kenyatta managed to garner 25 percentage points [to be shared] amongst themselves. “am still new in this Presidential stuff” said Martha Karua a former Justice and Constitutional affairs Ministress in Kibaki's Government of National (dis)Unity.“as you can all see the reasons are plain, am a plain Jane so i can't complain” She added.

“ Raila graduated with a 'Diplom Degree' in Mechanical Engineering from East Germany so he must be interested in numbers” figured City Lawyer-cum-Political Commentator Waiganjo.

“ if you subtract his year of birth 1945 AD from our last election year 2007AD you get 62, only 2 yrs shy of his present age and [almost] 2yrs away to the next [general] election year- the stars are aligned”

Waiganjo denied any claims he'd been consulting cheap Numerologists

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