Santa To The World: Expect Delays

Saint Nicholas aka Saint Niklaus aka Father Christmas announced  Sunday there will be delays on delivery  to the young[and the young at heart]. He blamed this on a complex series of man made factors which seemed to conspire at the most un-opportune of  times to make his noble mission of merry giving and general cheer  a logistical nightmare.

                                        ho!ho!ho! we have a problem

"well, first of all i can't say climate change has got any better this year than it was last year and it didn't help much we had a lot of Homo-Sapiens blowing a lot of hot air in the so called climate conference in my backyard" he said.

" couldn't they do this in Bangladesh" he added.

 The melting runway makes it harder for the red cloaked middle aged philanthropist to take off safely  and need we say if things keep going the way they are there won't be any runway for take off.

But his scientific elves disclosed a contingency plan in any case this would come to pass.
"Presents delivery  is such a crucial undertaking we're not leaving anything to chance" said Christmas elf Sunny Sparkly-toes, head of R&D at elflab.

"we're designing a gyro-sleigh for future missions which, am sad to say will render Rudolph and his team of Reindeer jobless" he added.


It goes without mentioning Santa's kitty has been tight lately. Donations have been dropping owing to the credit crunch and to make ends meet he has been forced to dig into his pension account and Mrs. Claus's Arthritis claims money.

" not that i don't mean well for my dear wife but i promised to pay her back as soon as things look up- with interest" he said.

Meanwhile, little boys who behaved well for the year will have to make do with an Optimus Prime truck which doesn't transform to an Optimus prime and little girls will have a chemo-bald barbie doll.

" demand for synthetic hair in Africa is at an all time high which has driven up prices" explained elf  Bouncy Bed-head.

But Santa's  marketing  panel being ingenious as usual decided instead of delivering nothing to the naughty ones, in an agreement with paypal they will deliver virtual 'Euro-only' penalties to their parents to offset their naughtiness;  based on a naughtiness scale of 1-100.

"Apart from feeling good about themselves and their spoilt brats; we really need the money"

The newly placed orders of a GPS and sun-dial on their way from the manufacturer in Paris to Liverpool  and eventual shipping to Antarctica was delayed  following a seven hour Eurostar Bullet train breakdown in the Channel tunnel.

©2009 newsync





Eneza

Kenya Top Blogs

Powered By Ringsurf