al-Qaeda faces funding crisis: US Treasury

In a surprising twist of happenings but sort of predictable, Newsync is proud to report secondhand that al-Qaeda is broke. According to Newsync who according to BBC who according to Senior Treasury official David Cohen, al-Qaeda has made several un-ashamed appeals from well wishers to finance recruitment and training of personnel, purchase of mission critical equipment like suicide jackets to accessories like a nice clean robe, Jambiyyas(daggers), Pesh kabz and Barongs.
“Kandahar may be a long way away from WallStreet and it's hard to imagine that when America sneezes, Afghanistan catches the sniffles” said Ustad(Master) Nasrudin a religious teacher and al-Qaeda sympathizer at Madrassatul Hamza on the outskirts of the city. “ but that is exactly what is happening, the financial crisis is finally hitting our proud Organisations” he added.

Indeed the financial crisis has not only hit al-Qaeda hard but it has shaken it's once strong financial pillars to it's very foundations leaving them as steady and stable as the Stonehenge, and rattled once confident Mullahs reducing them to “aggressive panhandlers” which according to Wikipedia means begging for a donation in a supplicating albeit intimidating and/or intrusive manner.

With the remaining charities operating abroad facing closure and the last of their assets tracked down and frozen by the Obama administration, the noose is clearly tightening on al-Qaeda just as former President Bush predicted.

“When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose” seems to be the attitude of the general members as they weather the storm of this man made financial turbulence.But as day turns into night, there is the constant fear of someone being rendered redundant, therefore jobless and as a result homeless.
“If things keep going the way they are, and no green shoots of recovery sprout out of this dusty, sun-baked, heaven-forsaken terrain of the Mazar-e-Sharif any time soon, I swear by my great-grandfather's Faizullah-Ul-Haq grave am going to start an ice-cream business to support my family” said Ahmet al-Faizul a third generation Afghan-Turk.


“ The Banks may kick me out of my cave but never will I allow them to foreclose the family tent.” he added.
And such is the hidden desperation faced by many but mentioned by the few and outspoken like Ahmet.

On the contrary, another terrorist Organisation, the Taliban of Afghanistan which only came a distant second [at most] compared to al-Qaeda in terms of liquidity,fiscal policy, human resource management and general running of terrorism affairs and was generally considered a regional outfit is doing better than just okay; in fact it is [actually] thriving in the worst recession ever since the Soviet invasion in the '80's.

This, said Shaikh Abu Nizamuddin Zakariya, Second in Command, is attributable to the shrewd extortionist tactics against legitimate businesses in form of 'protection money' domestic tax from the sale of Poppy, the country's leading cash crop and many other traditional income generating channels such as charities, donations and 'corporate taxes' on kidnappings and Russian gun and tank runners.

“of course it will be unfair not to mention the great wisdom of our leaders like Mullah Abdul Jabar, Mullah Abdul Matin,Mullah Dadullah to mention but three and am not telling who is alive or dead ha!gotcha! We know better than Hamas- the Infidels will kill them with their Drones and Apache gunfire-for those who are still alive that is” he added.

Definitely, the Taliban is becoming international to the extent of forming strategic alliances with homegrown start-ups like Lakshar e-Taiba (Army of the Good) now headquartered in Pakistan, to perpetuate 'common badness' across the civil world.
“and if things keep looking up as they do right now, we're going to be the new kids on the mountain valleys; replacing al-Qaeda; just as it replaced the People's Mujahideen. Behold the dawn of a New World Order beckons ”. He concluded
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