the Kenyan Knight; what's with Black men and 'lousy' jobs

 Dr. Patrick Lumumba Otieno a high flying  eloquent Nairobi  lawyer popularly known by his initials PLO [ nothing to do with the paramilitary group Palestinian Liberation Organisation we hope] has been nominated for the country's lousiest job. A director of KACC [ Kenya Anti Corruption Commission].

A Kenyan of Kenyan origin, to stress no  relation to Patrice Lumumba, Dr. Lumumba is faced with the task of slaying a dragon just like the  medieval knights in shining armor, with a Lance and all only this time  instead of breathing fire and  roaring  it's vomiting on it's own Dragon shoes.

Being a perpetual optimist who believes "Third World is a state of the mind and until we change our attitude as Africans, if there is a fourth, fifth and even sixth world, we will be in it.” he oddly seems to be happy with his almost- to-be new [lousy] job,  flashing his trademark  stupid Sensodyne white  grin characteristic  of a man not aware of the amount  of shit he's about to chew.

" am praying his armor comes out  in the same  conditions as it went in- pristine and  shiny and not dull and lacking in luster" prayed  Wanjiku, a member of The Jehovah Witness.

While critics say PLO has no prior experience in  dealing with 'Dragons' which is a euphemism used to describe the rot in the country it is believed his excellent grasp of the English language will come  in handy but exactly how nobody really  knows.

He was once in a lecture hall and was [mis]quoted as saying,  [mis] quote  "the power of  calligraphy  is stronger than the power of an unseating  Lance" end [mis] quote which loosely translates  " the pen is mightier than the sword."

" ever heard of KISS  Doc?" a retard within the hall asked. " it means Keep It Simple Stupid" he answered himself,  adding " no offence."

"Indeed no offence on intent as in any offence caused, felt or implied by such a disambiguation is purely coincidental and has no  bearing as to the the context of the phrase used because we all know a text taken out of context can be a dangerous pretext" responded PLO. " i feel you my brother" he added.

It is widely known impunity is a forgone conclusion in the corridors of  Integrity Center, seat of the Anti corruption commission of  Kenya and some doubt the good Dr. is  as squeaky and incorruptible as believed.

 "Holly cows and hyenas have already christened him our LPO [Local Purchase Order]" said one informer hyena who asked for a bribe to talk to us.

" talks are already underway to determine the 'buy-ability' of this newb with some being  supremely confident as saying it's not a matter of 'if' but when and  how much" he added.

Lumumba's is not  the first  case of a  clever individual handed a lousy job and smiling about it.  In January   another clever individual  inherited two wars and a financial crisis for a job; sheesh!! whilst another one almost  landed a lousy job right here in our homeland during the same period.

No problem! no sweat! nothing but a chicken wing but do they all have to be of Kenyan  origin, black and Luo?

Heaven help the Black man




 ©2009 newsync





Eneza

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Barrack Obama's first fantastic thankless Thanksgiving speech P t. 2

and  am not gonna duck the hot potato issues either as my Republican post commentary critics say.. They say every politician  is a liar and the only truthful politican was Truman because he said “the buck stops here”.

Well, my fellow Americans am the re-incarnation of the truth. Your messiah who is going to deliver affordable health care and set you free from the  shackles of  under-insurance by those big  health insurers.

And for the 46.3million  uninsured Americans out there, your day is come. You can now afford to get sick.

I also understand you're sick  of that eyesore Guantanamo bay. Well, maybe not all of you but  I know my friends in the not-for-profits and grassroots can't stand it and that's what matters. I'll need their influence  and of course money come 2013 and thats all that is important.

Am closing that Gulag  and even though I  admit I might miss my January 2010 deadline I know  can and we will shut it down as soon as possible probably before 2011. Never mind theres some construction of a block going on  now or, maybe I said a similar thing last year but I still have this gut feeling  that we can.

And to the Cuban-Americans, this will be a thanksgiving to be truly thankful for. Number one, me  as your President and number two, It was also about the time Fidel Castro got really sick. I would not   advocate Obamacare for him if I were you  and to put it frankly I don't take it kindly on competition  especially when it comes to delivering  speeches.

Number three, I might just wake up one morning and decide the embargo thing is off, the ball is in your 'other' leader's court. And you might even be able to send as many dollars as you  can send  back to your relatives in Cuba- or have I done that already.

Our hand is still  stretched out to you but it might just grow numb and lose it's feel if it stays that way for too long and  I bet you don't wanna know what might follow next. Am not making threats here, this is tough love. You know yourselves and damn!! am not even talking to Americans anymore on this   very American holiday. I guess it just goes to prove we are the  world.

Peeps!! hope i have covered  Domestic, Foreign, Economic and..i think I must have  left out  the environment but  I promise to get back to it after Copenhagen December 9th.

Busy schedule, gotta go my subjects but be sure to follow  my State of the Union weekly  addresses   on VOA  and  News Ync.and may God Bless America.

Now to the more pressing matters of that  sweet potato pie, coconut cream and lemon meringue.

©2009 newsync





Eneza

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Barrack Obama's first fantastic Thanksgiving speech P t. 1

there you go, the amazing transcript

People of America I salute you. And of course people of the world lest you feel left out.

But again America is the world and the world is America.

First of all ignore the header. This is not my first thanksgiving gig. I did the first one when I was President-elect anybody remember? Okay , hands down now double Davids you know yourselves and if you thought it was the bomb!! wait til it comes out the Speech synthesizer this winter.

Talking of bombs we got many of those IED blasts scaring the shit out of our brave infantry men up there in the Middle East. But like I said they are brave and shouldn't be scared of some shitty fertilizer over-the-internet assembled bombs. In the same breath am informed their families want them back home by thanksgiving.

Don't they just care about the Afghani and Iraqi women and children

I apologise I couldn't make that happen and am sorry as your Commander-in-Chief I will have to request you my fellow countrymen another favor. I can see your surprised looks staring at the television screen and I hear you asking yourselves “what favor could the most powerful black man on earth possibly want from a mere Yankee.”

Well, don't be surprised. Am not special, am much like you-just like my predecessor was much like you.

And to prove it am about to ask the same favor as no. 43 .

Ladies and gentlemen your great country once again needs you. Maybe not you, yes you couch potato. Lounging stupidly on that La-z-boy sporting a beer belly, clutching a Heineken bottle on your left hand and the remote control on your right.

Or you ma'am, with the Michelin man neck.

Not that America don't need people like you. Of course we do. We need you to create McJobs as part of the stimulus but as of now we will definitely do with your nerdy community college kid enlisting.

Bring out your well toned boyfriends, NRA husbands, your daughters and almost anybody who can hold a shotgun and not shoot himself on the foot, or a fellow Countryman; do you hear me vice president Biden .

After all guns don't kill people. People kill pheasants.

 ©2009 newsync





Eneza

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Obama is thankful to them

Barack H. Obama II thanked them for making him President and Commander in chief of their armed forces. “as we mark this day I want to thank you all especially you; yes you the honest, hardworking middle class you for electing me the 44th President of your great nation” he started halfway towards the podium.

After the speech was over the nation stood from their couches and on their feet in front of the telly and gave him a huge round of applause which could have brought the roof down.

Later on he gave a press conference in the press room which revealed a lot of unsaid stuff the President really wanted to say to his subjects but time!!

On domestic issues he he really wanted to let them know how Bo Obama, their Portuguese Water Dog was unbeatable in Frisbee but I realised I could not squeeze it in because Bo looked much like my initials in the teleprompter and might just say it in full.


“I've had a slip of the tongue before” he said. “besides the first dog had no competition anyway and I would appear petty' he added.

“My swinging has improved a lot since I started hitting the links with the help of my assistant White House chef. Though I tied with Bush but I thought it'd be nice if they knew I beat Biden” he said. Am planning the same with McCain” he added obviously downplaying John McCain's golf playing experience.

But he deviated and made it known it was not only what he wanted to say but Sasha had something for 'them' as well “ look here Sasha made this handprint turkey”.

There's just so much to say [and show] with very little time” he added. Homeland security agreed.


On foreign policy, he said he regretted letting 'them' in on his trip to Mecca to give moral support to her grandmother Sarah Obama.

she will be part of those pilgrims and she won't have to worry about any swine flu in Arabia. Secret service will be there too; in disguise of course and who knows we might join in the act- you know, for old time's sake” Said Obama.

“There was so much fantastic stuff io didn't put in that speech that I would have put in that speech and make people applaud even louder till the their hands hurt.” said Obama as he pulled his wrist and slanted his head to glance at his TAG-Heuer.

“There is so much I could have told you guys but I cannot plus what I just told you which I did not but ought to have included in that brilliant speech to make it the greatest thanksgiving speech ever but boy, doesn't time fly.”

Critics criticised the 'Ought -To- Be -Included -But -Which -Was -Not-Be-Of-Time parts of the speech' for dwelling on the 'soft side of real life issues'.


We could not publish the transcript [or at least the edited version of the speech now] but it should be available as soon as Jonathan 'Jon' Favreau
is done editing his un-'Fav' parts.


©2009 newsync





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